The Theater of Tragedy - A Dungeon Patch

This post delivers on the promise of our last brainstorming post. Go and read that one (and the definition of a dungeon patch) first, if you haven't.

Here is a dungeon patch called the Theater of Tragedy: a 6 room segment of a larger dungeon to be mixed and remixed with other dungeon patches to create a much larger configuration for your players. Rules are for His Majesty the Worm, but adaptable to your OSRish system of choice.

1. Theater

A lavish indoor theater lit by six chandeliers hanging from the wooden crossbeams. The stage (1a) rises five feet from the rush-strewn auditorium. Surrounding the stage are two levels of galleries (1b), which provide seating. 

1a. Stage

A wooden stage extending out into the auditorium. Three curtained doors at the back of the stage allow actors to enter and exeunt.* There is a rotten smell nearby.

• Walking on stage: Any character heavier than a gnome or halfling triggers a trap door when they cross center stage. They must test Pentacles or fall 10' into the stage mechanisms (area 2).
• Smell: The stink of the zombie in area 2.

1b. Galleries

The galleries surround the stage on three sides, providing simple bench seating. The upper gallery directly across from the stage is lavish, with boxed seats and three high-backed thrones.

• Investigating the thrones: There is a hidden button in the arm rest of each throne that allows the platform on which they are set to pivot, so that the thrones swing away from the wall. Behind the thrones is obscured a small, secret door.
• Small, secret door: Like what Alice had to go through in Wonderland. A Shrink spell is required to use it. The door leads to area XX (a connection to another dungeon level). 

* Pursued by stats-as-bear.

2. Stage Mechanisms

Under the stage is an access hatch filled with interlocking gears that power machines used during productions. A dead wood elf lies facedown beneath the trap door of area 1a.

• Dead wood elf: A former adventurer (named Ducat Dangerous-Game) wearing a badgerskin hood. If disturbed, he raises as a zombie (core book, p. 286). Its legs are broken; it Moves by dragging itself along the ground. The zombie carries a purse with 55g and a smoke-bomb mushroom. 
• Machines: The machines under the stage perform a variety of simple functions. Each machine is man-powered through cranks and bellows.
• Raise and lower a platform through the trap door.
• Raise and lower a variety of backdrops on stage (a cityscape, a wilderness, a wedding, a night sky). 
• Cause a rumble like thunder.
• Play a merry melody.
• Latching the trap door: The trap door on the stage may set into a locked position from the access hatch. The "trap" of the trap door on the stage is essentially an OSHA violation.

3. Backstage

The backstage is an unlit storage area. There are several pieces of stage scenery stored here. There are two life-sized wooden mannequins, a king and a queen; both have completely blank faces. 

• Scenery: A variety of simple, wooden props to be placed on the stage to add color or set a scene; each stands on its own and is light enough to be moved by two people. There's a tree, a wall, a box, a (fake) chest, a lamppost, and a cloud-throne. None have any value.
• Mannequins: Life-sized puppets. Inanimate. Their faces are blank and unpainted, but have fastenings as if a theatrical mask could be placed on them.

Potential connection:

Elsewhere in the dungeon, there can be masks that animate these two mannequins. Perhaps they want to perform a play? This could be like the opera scene from Final Fantasy 6, where the players are given a brief amount of time to memorize some lines and then need to regurgitate them at the appropriate times. Perhaps they have six lines and can write down a number of them equal to their Cups score and remember the rest? 

Or, more simply, the would-be actor will have to play the Listener Limerick Challenge from Wait Wait! Don't Tell Me. 

4. Tiring House

An unlit dressing room filled with tables and chairs. A variety of costumes hang from a rack. There are character masks hanging from pegs on the wall. Props spill from a wooden box. In the corner, there is a humanoid figure draped with a cloth.

• Costumes: A collection of costumes depicting: 
• A particular commoner's profession (weaver, tinker, tailor, actor, etc.)
• Noble's clothes (fake, but convincing)
• God's robes (obviously fake)
• A monster (convincing in low light)
• The Lavritic (the geas-bound servants of the Castle of Crossed Destinies) will treat anyone wearing a costume of any kind as a person of that rank or profession (a potential connection).
• Masks: There are ten masks here, each portraying some stock character: a villager who pretends be rich, a foolish senator, a mean-but-not-evil braggart, a cunning clown, etc. 
• When appearing in a play (a potential connection), a mask must be worn to define the role. 
• Props: There's an array of props; all fake but rather convincing: jewelry, two swords, crown, fairy wings, fireworks, wizard's wand, military banner, and six potions of various colors.
• Humanoid figure: A life-sized, inanimate puppet. It is dressed and painted to look like a sun god (a sort of stock character). 

5. Puppeteer's Workshop

A wood wright's shop: a workbench, pile of lumber, and specialized carving tools. A variety of life-sized puppet parts litter the area, unfinished: an arm joint, a lower jaw, a roughly-carven head. Elaborate cuckoo clocks hang on the walls. It is dimly lit with a single candle.

This is the lair of the Rude Mechanical.

• Rude Mechanical: The Rude Mechanical is an animate life-sized mannequin. It is a blank slate: unpolished, unpainted, unfinished. Because of this, it has a personality crisis and pretends to be the puppet maker (it isn't), kidnapping adventurers to turn into its puppet children. It current is holding a halfling named Tom Joiner captive.
• If the Rude Mechanical was "finished" by given a painting, a costume, and a purpose, it would change its personality to match.
• Tom Joiner: A halfling adventurer. Ambushed and enslaved by the Rude Mechanical, he is currently dressed up like a Punch puppet, and is bound at the wrists and ankles by fishing wire attached to a cross (like a marionette). He is starving and weak.
• Cuckoo clocks: Each cuckoo clock is a work of intricate art. There are 12 total. Each is worth 100g in the City. Each is fragile.

New keyword: Fragile

A fragile item breaks if the adventure carrying it suffers any Wounds. A fragile item can be bundled with cloth to make it an oversized item, but reduces the chance for it to break to 1-in-4.

Art by Felipe Faria

6. Storage Room

This room is intentionally left blank to be used in service of a connecting dungeon patch. Fill it with a quest item, key, treasure, gate, rumor, lore, or other item needed to make a connect patch work.

Here is a simple map of the area. Hand drawn and looks like shit, but this is what my players get from me!

Note: I have failed my own challenge of doing one of these a week because of Real Life Stuff (TM). But I hope--like my brainstorming blog post before this one--it is helpful to show how the actual sausage is made. Sometimes you miss deadlines! That doesn't mean you stop working on the project if you're still having fun with it. You keep trucking forward because making stuff is fun! Excelsior! 

Making a Dungeon Patch - Sausage Making

Per this post last week, I have issued a challenge to start writing chunks of a dungeon as a creative exercise. The Worm community is calling this elemental, nodal building block a dungeon patch. 

This post is a stream of consciousness description of how I'm going to start putting together my first patch. I'll clean it up for publication (on the blog) in a future post.

To recap, I've argued that a dungeon patch should have five things:

1. Something that advances your dungeon checklist

2. 3-6 keyed rooms

3. An intentionally blank room that can hold a key for a lock in another section of the Underworld. I should call these spaces potential connections.

4. A gate that connects to a different section of the Underworld.

5. An evocative name

Basic brainstorming

My patch will start with just the germ of an interesting idea: "An animate wooden golem ventriloquist dummy torturing a dressed up halfling."

I want to write patches for His Majesty the Worm, so I'm going to ground my writing in one of the dungeon seeds that are included in the game. I flip through those for a little while until I find one where it seems to fit: The Castle of Crossed Destinies. One of the most vanilla dungeon seeds. 

Warren's position in the Designing Dungeons Course is that making a 30-room dungeon is essentially the act of using the elements of the B/X stocking procedure to make six-room nodes five times:

1-2: Monster (50% chance of guarded treasure)

3: Trap (~30% chance of trapped treasure)

4-5: Empty Room (~15% chance of hidden treasure)

6: Special (which are unique rooms)

I'm not writing towards this stocking procedure, but having prompts (2 monsters [1 with treasure], a trap, 2 empty/lore rooms, 1 special) is helpful for any exercise. I'll keep this ratio in the back of my mind.

Sketching out the core concept

This dungeon patch will be centered around a monster: a human-sized wooden doll controlling (horribly) a halfling as a living puppet.

This is a related concept, but not quite right

We Need to Talk About Kevin Pinocchio

I'm picturing the wood golem to look like those mannequins used for drawing references

The idea of a ventriloquist's dummy feels very modern to me, but a Punch and Judy puppet feels perfectly cromulent for a dungeon game. So the wooden golem will be a mannequin--an uncarven, unpainted blank slate--but its prisoner will be forcibly dressed like Punch, and tied up like a marionette. 

I always thought Lady Elaine from Mr. Roger's looked upsetting. Maybe this is how the halfling is dressed up.

Perhaps self evidently, Googling pictures for inspiration is part of my creative process.

The wood golem puppet a living creature both as revenge (maybe?) but also to express itself in a way that it cannot without being completed. A believable need to be understood, but escalated to an upsetting extreme. Also, perhaps the wood golem could be completed as a matter of negotiation. Perhaps an enemy-to-friend scenario? And if the players don't do a good job, the golem goes berserk?

What sort of room does this duo call their lair in the Castle of Crossed Destinies? I assume a theater? In a makeshift puppet's theater in a courtyard? In a woodcarver's workshop?

I'm inclined to say all three might exist. The empty puppet's theater in a courtyard will point towards the more adult theater inside the castle. Backstage of the theater will be the woodcarver's workshop. Perhaps the woodcarver's workshop is the wood golem's main lair.

Finalizing the stats will be come later. This idea will give me enough to flesh out a room description.

Brainstorming additional rooms

Since I want to focus my energy on a single node--a cluster of rooms--I'd tuck "outdoor puppet theater" away for later development if I was building out an entire dungeon level.

Right now I have two rooms: woodcarver's workshop and an adjoining theater.

Aiming for ~6 rooms, let me just write out some other ideas. I'll select the ones that are most compelling for development.

Box office. I know that the term "box office" comes from Shakespearean times where patrons' money was collected and kept in an office in a strong lock box. Players love picking locked boxes! Maybe a box office. [Trap + Treasure?] Although, on second thought, if this stage is part of a castle, would there be paying patrons? Perhaps not.

Backstage. If there's a theater, there should be a backstage. The empty room would have unused scenery, prop weapons, costumes, wigs, etc. ["Empty" room?]

In Disney's Pinocchio, Geppetto had lots of cuckoo clocks. Should those feature somehow? [Trap? Treasures in their own right?] 

This reminds me of the terrifying clockwork music box doll from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Can that complement the idea of cuckoo clocks? Is a finished full-sized doll what the wood golem was supposed to be, but it is still unfinished? [Special?]

Puppets were a plot point in Being John Malkovich. Maybe I should put a tiny door somewhere in here because that's just a nice dungeon feature to have. Perhaps that's the gate that connects to another dungeon level. Maybe the door is very small and requires the players to cast Shrink before using it.

Hang on. What sort of things would an olde timey theater have in them anyway? Well, wait, let's look up Renaissance theaters. The most famous one I know: The Globe.

OK cool, I found this map online.

At first glance, I thought 12 keyed locations would almost be enough to make several patches out of a theatrical section of a castle, but on closer reading, many of these would be a single room key. I think the only meaningful ideas from reading this pamphlet was that calling the dressing room "Tiring House" would be flavorful and that the stage itself should have a trap door. There's a trap for us! [Trap]

Where did the marionette-ified halfling come from? An adventurer, I assume. Perhaps some of his old companions are still lurking here as undead. [Another monster]

Final rooms to be keyed 

OK, that's enough brainstorming. Let's actually conceptualize what rooms I want to write.

This dungeon patch is part of the Castle of Crossed Destinies.

1. Theater. The stage of the theater has a trap door. Under the gallery, there is a curiously small door that leads to another section of the Underworld. [Trap, Gate]

2. Under the stage. Mechanisms that power the trap door. An undead adventurer (fallen victim to the trap) has some loot. [Monster with Treasure]

3. Backstage. Storage for stage props, including other blank but inanimate mannequins. [Empty]

4. Tiring house. The dressing room for would-be actors, filled with different stage costumes. This will be a type of treasure. [Treasure]

5. Puppeteer's workshop. The workshop of an artisan who created the puppets, the sets, and other objects of the theater--now haunted by the Rude Mechanical, an unfinished wooden golem, who puts on performances with Tom Joiner, a captive halfling dressed up as a marionette. Valuable cuckoo clocks hang on the walls. [Monster, Treasure]

6. Storage room. A storage room near the puppeteer's workshop. This room's key will be intentionally left  (mostly) blank to form a potential connection with another patch. [Potential Connection]

This area will be called the Theater of Tragedy. Because of har har, stupid joke. It contains a reason to fight, a reason to talk, and a reason to explore.

Saved ideas: I liked the idea of a cuckoo clock/music box room and an outdoor puppet theater that would connect conceptually to this patch, but don't want to lose focus. These ideas will be saved for later development.

Further reading from other big brains about this subject

Murkdice had the idea of "Patchwork Megadungeons" a while back as a way to chunk the work. Great minds!

Aryxmaraki reminds us that patches (and hexes, and points) are all just a type of node. 

The first to heed the challenge of the dungeon patch for Worm

Lusunati of the Worm Discord was the first person to accept the challenge and show off a dungeon patch for Worm. They've created a couple others in the past as well!

By the by

If you're interested in reading my process for building dungeons, I've written a course on the subject. It's free! It won a golden ENNIE this year.

The play's the thing

For people who get upset about reviews of modules unplayed

Would you get mad at playwrights giving feedback after reading a script on a play not yet produced?

This post brought to you by: microblogging.

The Elemental Level of Megadungeon Construction

There was a post on Facebook (cess pit that it is) that I found really inspirational. Here's a screenshot so you don't ritually defile yourself by going there.

It's a node-based megadungeon. It looks sprawling! 

They clarified that each node was 4-5 rooms large. If you have 54 nodes and 5 rooms a node, that's 270 rooms. That feels solidly megadungeon level--past the point of "Is Pluto a planet?" and "Oh yeah, that's Mars."

KJ Davies of the In My Campaign blog has been working on similar projects since 2014. A storied career, with many blog posts, ideas, and dungeon design to support their work! Check out their last nodal megadungeon! (Each level doesn't seem quite complete to me, but they're what His Majesty the Worm would call a dungeon seed - a jumping off point to be fully mapped, Meatgrindered, and filled with monsters and treasures.) 

Gus exchanged some of his own nodal megadungeon ideas with KJ Davies, and even did this cool picture of their dungeon:

[SIDEBAR] As has been said, blogs create ruins. I'm so glad that these ruins from 2014 are still around for me to crawl through! It also just goes to show you how many people want the thing you're making but can't find you. Marketing isn't efficient, but it's an attempt to connect the author with the audience. I wish I had found them sooner! [/SIDEBAR]

I said when I was writing Worm that writing a megadungeon isn't hard (I still hold by that statement): it was just making a series of atomic choices. 

Some things are atoms. (And everybody thought atoms were the smallest thing imaginable, until scientists hit them with a hammer in 1932 and a lot of like, quarks and neutrons and shit fell out.) But the more I work on megadungeon design, the more I understand that we don't want atoms. We want elements. That's what we make things out of.

In the Worm Discord, we've had this concept dungeon quilts. Not a dungeon in toto, but a patch that could be sewn into it--drag and drop it in wherever. Nodal megadungeon design is parallel development to this concept.

A dungeon node / dungeon patch of 4-5 themed rooms is an element that is usable. 

It resonates with Sean McCoy's advice to write rooms in pairs: 

You can think of these rooms as sequels and prequels to the rooms you’ve already come up with. Setups and punch lines.

Writing in pairs builds connectivity and halves the amount of work you have to do.

This gets you in the mindset inherently of connecting your spaces rather than thinking of a dungeon as like thirty different themed rooms. Once you start doing this it’s hard to stop.

It resonates with what Gus talked about in his Jaquaysing article:

By breaking down even a small dungeon into these kinds of nodes, and limiting their connections, players can better understand the space, and the designer can better imagine it, creating rational connections between the keyed locations that allow for more complex play rather than a sort of directionless ramble.  With larger dungeons shortcuts and alternate entrances become more important, either as ways to quickly get to unexplored areas or to change the direction that the party approaches certain obstacles from. Faction territories can be logically delineated by choke points or defensible areas, disrupted by secret passages.

By way of example, let me break down one of the levels from The Castle Automatic: 

Art by Guy Pradel

This is the Sanctum of Swords, one of five levels of the Castle Automatic. It's not a huge level: only 18 rooms. But you can think of it as a series of discrete nodes. 

• Purple: The Black Oil Heart (which powers the mechanisms in the level) and surrounding trapped rooms. An entrance to the level. Underground. 
• Teal: The lair of Pimple the Vampiric Torturer and surrounding rooms. A guarded exit from the underground section of the level to the above ground section.
• Honestly, the distinction between purple and teal is a little arbitrary on my part. This could also be an 8 room patch--an underground section.
• Red: Four rooms connected by a theme of a moat flowing into an underground river. 
• Yellow: The Court of Swords, including all the noble NPCs (and the boss of the level, the King of Swords).

All of the patches have at least one exit or connection to another level (not just another node in this level).

• Purple: A mirror portal connects room 201 (current level) to room 101 (entrance level).
• Teal: There's a trap door in the ceiling of room 209 that connects to room 310.
• Red: The moat leads to room 311 if you solve the riddles of the Moat Twins.
• Yellow: This node has multiple exits--doors to the Threshold Tower, doors to the Palace of Pentacles, and unlockable mirror portal in another level that teleports adventurers into room 215.

The level is cohesive, but is also chunked into discrete clusters of themed rooms. The map could be rearranged in any pattern the excellent Guy Pradel wished as long as those nodes were kept together. The Meatgrinder (overloaded encounter table) ties the level together thematically, even though many of the patches have different environmental details and dungeon construction.

Having conceptualized this more fully, I issue this challenge: Write your dungeons in 4-5 room elemental building blocks. 

1. Start with a kernel of a good idea. One of the things your dungeon needs: a reason to explore, a reason to talk, a reason to run away, etc.
2. Build out 2-3 rooms around this core idea. 
3. Connect an intentionally blank room to it. This blank will be filled by the dungeon assembler. They can either repurpose it into a lore room or make a connection to another patch using it--a lever that opens a door in another area, an idol with empty eye sockets that activates when gems from level 5 are placed into it, etc.
4. Put a gate that intentionally connects to another level (not just a door to another patch).
5. Give your patch an evocative name: The Pit of Pain, the Tomb of the Clown Prince, Lift of the Condemned, Wyrm-Hole. 

As a writing exercise, try writing a dungeon patch every week for a month. You'll have a 16-20 room dungeon at the end of it!

Post your dungeon patches on your blog so your friends can use them. Take dungeon patches from your friend's blogs. 

Make your megadungeons like a quilt. 

The gods are the gay people that live in my phone

Sometimes I kvetch about how boring I find fantasy pantheons that are just Greek gods with a bad coat of paint. Sometimes I've blogged about it.

Guys do you want to hear about my setting's unique pantheon? My god Warfrith is the god of both war AND peace isn't that interesting?

The next time you sit down to start writing a list of 10 gods and 1 evil god, stop. Don't do that. Do this instead.

Think about your RPG friends that aren't in your immediate campaigns. Maybe they live out of state. Maybe they work third shift. Select 3-6 of them. These are your setting's gods. There might be other gods elsewhere in your world, but these are the local ones that form the basis of the major religion(s). 

(Prerequisite: You must have 3-6 RPG friends. If you don't have any, come join the His Majesty the Worm Discord.) 

Think about something you know about them. What is their job? What are their hobbies? What is their user name and pfp? These are the gods' spheres of influence.

Take the letters of their name and rearrange them, spell it like Jolly Old England, or write some fantasy gibberish with similar phonetic tones. These are the gods' names.

Look at your campaign map. Put temples, fanes, and wild altars to these gods everywhere. A city has one god as a patron: put their main temple there. Put a desecrated altar to one of your gods in a dungeon (the players can cleanse it). Put a Pantheon - a Temple to All Gods - on a high mountain or remote island. 

When your players encounter a temple to a god, they may make an offering and petition the god through prayer. Write these down.

After your game session, text your friend. Tell them what the player offered them and what they prayed for. Ask them what they think would happen.

Take their suggestions and action them in your world. You don't have to tell the players that their prayers were answered. Perhaps they'll never connect the prayer to what happened on account of your friend's advice. But gods work in mysterious ways like that.

Two Haunted Ruins (Middle-earth Hexcrawl)

My colleague Warren of ICastLight was kind enough to send me a copy of the MERP module The Haunted Ruins of the Dunlendings. 

MERP modules can be a little hit or miss, but I thought two of the three adventures were pretty good! Of course, being persnickity, I wanted to inject some modern OSR theory into the dungeons. So I took the opportunity to go ahead and stat these out for Lore, my Lord of the Rings Adventure Retroclone, and expand the Middle-earth Hexcrawl into this as-of-yet uncharted region.

As such, I present to you, two haunted ruins.

86.98

CABED ANGREN. A small Gondorian mining town in the shadow of the White Mountains, supported by about ten farming homesteads in the surrounding valley. Although too small to have an inn, the town hosts one of Gondor's three Juggler's Colleges (the others are in Pelargir and Cobas Haven), which has a guest house. The River Morthond flows on the east of the region; a stone bridge allows passage into the Vale of Erech.

✦ - OFTEN HERE: 1. Forlong (man - velvet chaperon, mercantile, alderman) lost two brothers to the bandits encamped at Minas Anghen (85.99), 2. Duoervis Cleg (man - old & fat but surprisingly nimble, childishly witty, master juggler) wants to prove that his Juggler's College is superior to its sisters in loftier cities, 3. Audrey (woman - cow-eyed, frank, goodwife) is willing to rent out a spare room for 5 copper/week, but won't put up with any funny business.

! - RAIDERS OF MINAS ANGHEN: Eriel (woman - almost-violet eyes, haughty, noble) is gifted with foresight, and is interested in Minas Anghen (85.99) as a home of past seers. She has disguised her status as a noblewoman while researching the history of the tower, which is currently held by a company of raiders. She knows that the old seer who dwelt at Minas Anghen possessed much magic treasure, and she's not sure if the raiders have discovered it or not. She will pay the common burglar's price and give a simple map of the layout of the tower in exchange for first pick from any treasures recovered.

★ - A burglar who pays 12 silver tuition and spends six months of intensive study at the Juggler's College gains the following art:
Juggler: Gain a +2 bonus on all Subtlety tests related to sleight of hand. Additionally, you treat falls as if they were 10' shorter.

[Credit: MERP - Haunted Ruins of the Dunlendings]

85.99

MINAS ANGHEN. A tower fortress on the shoulders of the White Mountains. Its name means "Long-eye Tower" in the Common Speech, and is sometimes named as such by the folk of Cabed Angren. Once held by local lords, the last legitimate resident was Niniel the Seer, who died of plague 100 years ago. It is now occupied by a raiding company of bandits hired by a disinherited Pelargir noble.

(6) - SEER'S GHOST: The ghost of Niniel the Seer haunts the mountain paths that lead to Minas Anghen. She can also be seen standing, impossibly, on top of the Long-eye Falls. She will try to lure heroes to rid the tower of the occupying bandits by pointing, pleadingly, towards the tower. She will be attracted to those carrying treasures that is Haunted.

Approaching Minas Anghen triggers a location-based adventure.

The Bandits
There are ten occupants in total; nine raiders and a young woman they've pressed into service. As they are defeated, mark through their names in the list.

Coerba Nine-Fingers, "The Bandit Prince" (man - braided thinning black hair, sardonic, bandit captain)
Sunil the Snake (woman - lisp, fiery, Coerba's woman)
Hirgon (man - dandy, casually cruel, bandit lieutenant)
Vagor (man - piggish, odious, bandit)
Pwyll (man - hawk-nosed, meticulous, bandit)
Dagnir (man - boss-eyed, out of countenance, bandit)
Gorlim (man - drooling, lecherous, bandit)
Dirhavel (man -bushy-bearded, bully, bandit)
Treva (woman - white haired child, sullen, thrall)
Gorghiric (man - haunted, hard drinking, shaman) *

* Alone among the bandits, Gorghiric doesn't use bandit stats. Instead, user sorcerer stats to represent him. Although not a servant of the Necromancer directly, he has lost his mind studying dark things. He can attack with a spell of fear and summon illusory phantasms, if not drunk.

What are the bandits doing?
The bandits sleep during the day; a random pair will be on watch duty at any point. During the night, each bandit has a default room where they will be (until an alarm is raised). Roll on this table to see if there are any changes to this default behavior:

1. Sunil is in the Presence Room (area 9), sitting in mock judgement to settle a disagreement between Vagor and Pwyll. Gorghiric is drunk in his cell, insensate.
2. Coerba is sparring with Hirgon, Dagnir, and Dirhavel in the garth (area 2). Sunil is discovering the purpose of the orbs on the rooftop (area 18). Gorghiric is in the kitchens (area 4) with Treva; he has confused her with his daughter and is weeping.
3. Gorghiric is speaking with Coerba in his sitting room (area 13), trying to convince him to let him perform a human sacrifice to appease the dark powers. Dagnir and Gorlim are searching the tower for Craun, a bandit who went through a portal in the Room of Doors (area 15) and became lost; they swear they can hear him crying out sometimes.
4. Sunil is browbeating Vagor, Pwyll, Dagnir, and Gorlim to help Treva with the cleaning in the kitchens (area 4). Gorghiric is discovering the purpose of the orbs on the rooftop (area 18).

The Outer Structure

1. Gates: Heavy wooden doors bar entrance to the courtyard. They are open at night (so the bandits can come and go as they please) but barred during the day.

2. Garth: The central courtyard is weedy and overgrown. There are two wells, an enclosure for horses, and a henhouse. There is a single bedraggled chicken.

• Two Wells: One of the wells drips into a rushing river and produces clear, cold water. The other drops down into the secret prison (25).

3. Hallway: A hallway to the servant's quarters.

4. Kitchen: A large, rustic stone kitchen with two hearths. It is in a state of disarray: kettles, cleavers, unwashed pots, old bread. Treva, the bandits' nineteen-year-old thrall, works and sleeps here.

5. Dagnir and Gorlim's Bedroom: A bedroom with beds and two locked chests. Dagnir and Gorlim are usually here.

• Chests: Dagnir's chest contains 21 copper pennies and a bottle of fine red Belfalas wine. Gorlim's holds 16 copper pennies and a book, Tales Behind the Cotton Curtains, which contains bawdy pictures.

6. Dirhavel's Bedroom: An untidy bedroom strewn with eight bottles of wine (three empties), three longswords, and a poleaxe. A locked chest sits at the foot of the bed. Dirhavel is usually here.

• Chest: The chest contains several woolen tunics and a leaking bottle of oil for cleaning swords. The chest has a false bottom that contains a purse with 75 copper pennies and a massive gold chain (worth 5 gold).

7. Vagor and Pwyll's Bedroom: An odd couple's bedroom: half tidy, half squalid. Vagor and Pwyll are often here, arguing.

• Searching the room: Under Pwyll's mattress is a golden headband set with green tourmalines worth 16 silver. Under Vagor's bed is an old boot with a gold ring (worth 1 gold) hidden in it, as well as various apple cores, wine bottles, chicken bones, etc.

8. Stables: Five horses are bedded on old leaves. The horses are:

• Stubby: An old nag. No tail. -2 Morale.
• Stubborn: An old nag. -2 Morale.
• Frello: An old nag. Bites.
• Swiftfoot: A good piebald horse.
• Prince: A good bay horse.

The Tower

9. Presence Room: A black oak throne set on a central dais dominates this room. Eight beech chairs line the outer wall. A huge tapestry with an abstract, Arabesque pattern hangs at the back of the room.

• Throne: The throne conceals mechanisms that control traps in this room.
  • A foot pedal in the floor drops the portcullis in the entrance to the tower.
  • A button in the left armrest opens a 10' x 5' pit in the floor that drops into an underground river that eventually cascades down Long-eye Falls. A Strength Δ8 test is allowed for a burglar to grab the edge of the pit. Falling in is almost certain death.
  • Both Coerba and Sunil know of these mechanisms. If the company is captured, Coerba will hold a mock trial for them in this room and use the floor traps against them.
• Tapestry: The tapestry conceals the door to area 10.

10. Dining Room: A seven foot long oval table of oak. Two doors afford exits: one leads to a privy; the other opens onto a stairwell at one end and a door into the kitchens at the other.

11. Hallway: A window lights this narrow corridor. A privy (unkeyed) is at one end.

12. Hirgon's Bedroom: Fine quarters. A silver mirror with a jade frame (15 silver) hangs prominently on the wall. The bed has a purple satin quilt. There is a locked chest. Hirgon is often here.

• Chest: The chest contains fine wool tunics and heavy silk surcoats. There is a purse containing 32 silver pennies and a green glass jar containing 5 doses of marigold salve (prevents infections).

13. Coerba's Sitting Room: A pleasant room with cushioned benches and carved applewood chairs. Trinkets (worthless) decorate the hearth. A painting of a dwarf forging six keys hangs on the wall. Coerba is often here.

• Painting of a dwarf: This painting has a trace of magic set on it. A burglar wearing the Seer's Ring sees the rings as being hyper-realistic and may remove the six keys from the painting. These keys open the chests in the Seer's Vault (area 27).

14. Sunil and Coerba's Bedroom: Fine quarters. The curtained and canopied bed has draperies of velvet green, embroidered with gold; half is missing because Sunil made a cloak of it for herself. Chests of drawers hold an extensive collection of fine Gondorian clothing. A bear skin rug lies on the ground. The fireplace is carved with stone roses. Sunil is often here.

• Bear skin rug: Under the rug is a trap door that covers a shallow compartment. Opening the trap door activates a trap. Inside the compartment are:
  • 105 silver pennies, bracelet of silver with garnets (10 silver), necklace set with sapphires (9 silver), a jar of madwort (a poison that addles the victim), 8 mirenna berries (heal 1 damage each), a cut sapphire, a gold circlet set with adamant (magical; acts as a helm when worn), and the Box of Panes (see below).
• Trap: Four crossbow bolts are fired from the ceiling; they make four Attack +8 versus the burglar that opened the trap door.
• Stone roses: Pressing a hidden button on the stone roses disarms the trap.

Box of Panes
This magic item controls the behavior of the Room of Doors (area 15). None of the bandits have worked this out and are rightfully cautious about experimenting with the magic items of this place.

The Box of Panes is a wooden box with nine compartments, arranged 3 x 3. The center compartment is empty. In the other compartments are colored glass cubes.

When a colored glass cube is placed in the center position of the Box of Panes, the correspondingly-colored door in the Room of Doors opens into a new location.

The cubes are:

• Black: The door opens into darkness. Those who pass through it are sent hundreds of feet deep into the earth; instant death.
• White: The door opens into a white light. Those who pass through it are suspended, as if in a changeless sleep. When the cube is moved out of the central compartment, they reappear in the Room of Doors.
• Blue: The door opens into the Wine Cellar (area 23).
• Green: The door opens into the Seer's Vault (area 27).
• Yellow: The door opens onto the Roof (area 18).
• Orange: The door opens into the Baths (area 22).
• Violet: The door opens into the Library (area 16).
• Red: The door opens exiting the Gate (area 1).

15. Room of Doors: This strange chamber takes up an entire floor of the tower. Six doors are equally spaced around the room. They are each different colors: black, white, blue, green, yellow, orange, violet, and red.

• Doors: The doors are controlled by the Box of Panes (held by Coerba and Sunil in area 14). If the Box of Panes's central compartment is empty, each of the colored doors open into a mist. If entered, the victim is transported to the Secret Prison (area 25).
  • Box of Panes: If the appropriately colored cube is placed in the Box of Panes's central compartment, that door opens into a new location. The other doors still transport victims to the Secret Prison.

16. Seer's Library: A spacious and ornate library, orderly but weighted with dust. Shelves full of old books and tomes line the walls. A writing desk sits in the south of the room. A painting of elven women gathering herbs hangs on the wall.

• Note: This room can only be reached via the Box of Panes and the violet door in area 15.
  • Windows: The room's six windows are one-way glass—they are coated with a silver paint, ithilcaid, that permits viewing from inside but not outside.
• Books: The books are obscure tomes written in Grey Elvish cataloging foretellings, prophetic verses, and symbologies. If studied for a month, a burglar may learn Seer's Lore. If sold to a Gondorian mystic, each would be worth a ducat.
• Desk: The desk contains a normal complement of writing tools: ink-horns, quills, sealing wax, parchment, sand, etc. Drawers contain a ring of keys and a book titled Gilrhuin's Tower.
  • Ring of keys: These are keys to the mundane doors of the tower, including the secret prison.
  • Gilrhuin's Tower: This book was begun by the Seer Gilrhuin and continued by adopted heir, Niniel, whom he adopted from an orphanage in Cabed Angren. The book explains the working of two magical treasures: the Box of Panes and the Seer's Ring. Towards the end of the book, Niniel expresses her desire to donate the contents of the "Seer's Vault" to the orphanage she spent her early years in.
• Painting: This painting has a trace of magic set on it. A burglar wearing the Seer's Ring sees the herbs as being hyper-realistic and may pull six uses of sweet sorrel from the painting.

17. False Door: The stairway ascends to the fourth floor and comes to a landing; the stairs continue upwards. The interior of the stair shaft and the stairs transition from wood to stone. The door on the landing has a poem written on it: "The library within is for neither man nor elf / seek the knowledge inside of yourself."

• Door: The door is a false and opens to nothing. Attempting to open the door triggers a magical trap: all weapons carried in hand erupt into flame. Their bearers suffer 2d6 damage.

18. Rooftop: An open colonnade surrounds the top of the tower and supports the roof. A stairwell winds around the central chimney, which leads up to a basin for a signal fire (18a). Between each column is a pedestal overlooking the crenellations topped with a viewing orb.

• Orb: There are twelve orbs in total. Each is a magical seeing stone that activates after about a turn (10 minutes) of concentration. They permit sight in a 30 degree arc, and lets the user view up to 30 leagues with the clarity of a spyglass at both day and night.

The Halls Under the Garth

19. Storeroom: A hallway stacked with supplies.

• Supplies: Recent additions from the bandits include: 20 sacks of oats, five barrels of wine, 8 cured hams, a sack of carrots, some boards, a saw, a hammer, and other simple construction supplies.

20. Gorghiric's Quarters: A damp underground chamber. A sleeping pallet is set in one corner. An altar is set up in the center of the room: a table overhung with a cloth, on which black candles drip wax. Gorghiric is often here.

• Gorghiric: If he hears the company coming, he will try to frighten them away with phantoms of disturbing images: headless corpses demanding retreat. If the company persists, he will ambush them with his dagger.
• Altar: Hidden under the altar is the skeleton of Niniel the Seer. Gorghiric discovered her near the secret exit in area 23. He has not told the other bandits about this. On her skeletal hand, she still wears the Seer's Ring.

Seer's Ring: A mithril band set with an adamant.

• Once a day, the ring can be twisted on the bearer's finger while they ask the question: "If I do X, will Y happen?" The ring will glow softly if the answer is "Yes."
• Once a week, the ring can be twisted on the bearer's finger while they ask the question: "If I do X, what will happen?" The ring will show the bearer a vision of the answer.

21. Well Room: A wide stone basin filled with mountain spring water which flows from a mouth in the cavern wall and out through a drain in the bottom. An inscription carved on the wall cavern reads: "Harrowing the path, narrow the way. Hide your treasures where no man strays."

• Drain: There is a secret passage reachable only by swimming down the drain, into a water-filled channel that leads to area 27. This is a Strength Δ12 feat to accomplish.

22. Baths: Two basins in a stone chamber. One has a continuously flowing stream of icy mountain spring water. The other is a large tub with a spigot. A fireplace beneath the tub can be used to warm the bath.

23. Wine Cellar: Mostly empty wine racks line both the north and south wall. On the east wall, there is a painting of a fly trapped in a spider web. A cold breeze blows through the room.

• Painting: There is a secret door behind the painting.
  • This painting has a trace of magic set on it. A burglar wearing the Seer's Ring sees the painting as partially transparent and can perceive the secret door behind it easily.
• Searching behind the wine racks: Behind the southern wine rack is a concealed door that leads into an exit onto a mountain path.

24. Hidden Passageway: A hallway. The east door is made of metal and locked.

25. Secret Prison: A pulley apparatus drops down from a hole in the ceiling. A not-quite-rotted corpse lies near the metal door.

• Pulley: It is connected to a well in the garth (area 2). It is used to drop food and supplies to a prisoner held here.
• Corpse: This is Craun, one of Coerba's gang, who went through a portal in the Room of Doors and found his way here. The bandits could hear him shouting, but could never determine where his voice was coming from. He died of thirst. He is carrying a falchion and 26 copper pennies.

26. Cell: A smaller cell, containing a rotted straw-filled mattress and latrine hole. The cell has an iron grate door (currently open and unlocked).

27. Seer's Vault: A carved stone chamber that contains the wealth of the Seers of Minas Anghen—the wealth of more than 500 years. There are six oak chests standing in this room. Each is locked (but not trapped). The ghost of Niniel the Seer lingers in this room.

• Note: This room can only be reached via the Box of Panes and the green door in area 15 or by swimming in the secret passage in area 21.
• Ghost: Niniel the Seer wished to invest the treasure of chest 1 to the Foundling Home in Cabed Angren, where she spent the first part of her life and was adopted by the seer Gilrhuin. She died before she could make this a reality. As a ghost, she will beg the company to fulfill this for her. If they do not, the treasures of the vault become haunted.
• Chest 1: 12 bags each containing 30 silver crowns.
• Chest 2: The Bearing-bag of Breca (can hold up to 7 slots of items in a single slot).
• Chest 3: The Bracers of Blyga (Of Archery, grants +1 on attacks with bows) and a necklace of clarity (roll 3d6 and take the best 2 dice when rolling to resist confusion and hallucinations. Additionally, you automatically identify phantoms as illusions).
• Chest 4: Axe of Armor Slaying (removes 1 from an enemy's Defense bonus from armor when succeeding on a Critical instead of a normal Critical effect) and the Bracelets of Iorn Fegic (when worn, your fists are like maces but attack with -1).
• Chest 5: Eagle brooch (of adornment: +1 bonus to any temporary magical blessing from Songs of Power and similar sources, and of grace: you take 1 less damage from singing Songs of Power per round, to a minimum of 1) and a belt of soft tread (+1 bonus to Subtlety maneuvers to move silently).
• Chest 6: This chest contains:
  • 3 ingots of silver
  • 3 ingots of gold
  • 5 diamonds (adamants)
  • 2 sapphires
  • 12 lesser jewels (moonstones, moss agates, tourmalines, leucoasapphires)

88.97

SETMAENEN. A mound of earth raised over a grotto spring surrounded by seven standing stones. This was once one of the calendar temples of the Dunlendings. Today, there is an aura of fear on the place.

Those with Dunlending Lore know that, of old, this was a place of healing on Midsummer's Day, but was cursed by the Dark Lord out of jealousy that none should be worshipped but him.

Approaching Setmaenen triggers a location-based adventure. Italicized text is included for the GM's benefit and shouldn't be told to the players unless they have an appropriate lore.

1. Circle of Stones: The earthwork mound is ringed by seven standing stones. There is an entrance (area 2), cut into the mound. Next to the entrance is an evil-looking statue.

• Stones: These stones were part of the ancient Dunlendings calendar system: they seem to have a star motif. They depict periods of time demarcated by which constellations are visible in the sky. On one stone is an illustration of a picture of a woman (representing the moon) walking a circuit of 29 steps. The 7th, 8th, and 9th steps are marred.
• Statue: A squat statue of a humanoid with a leering bull's face. An evil will lives within the statue. It was erected by Sauron in the Second Age to end the worship held at this site.
  • Entering the circle of stones: As long as the statue is possessed by the spirit, every burglar entering the circle of stones takes 15 - (2d6 + Valour) fear damage.

2. Door: A hole is cut into the turf of the mound. The door step is 3' above the ground level (the ancient stairs have rotted away). The entrance way is defined and supported by three huge stones forming an archway. The lintel is carved with a solar motif. It depicts the sun on the longest day of the year. Above the lintel is an opening like a transom window; it can only be opened from inside (area 3).

• Transom window: The window will allow the sun's rays inside while the stone is blocking the entrance door. (On Midsummer's Day, this would close the door to the pool, re-opening the mound. See area 4 for an explanation of this mechanism.)

3. Entrance hall: A 15' passage into the heart of the mound. Next to the door (2), set into a recess is a huge round stone (weighing 2 tonnes).

• If the door to area 5 is opened: The stone next to the door rolls into place, blocking the exit to the grotto.

4. Altar room: A cross-shaped room. To the north, west, and east are nooks with altars. Each altar has a silvery mirror set onto the wall behind it. The north altar depicts a solar motif. The western altar depicts stars. The eastern altar depicts a lunar motif. The door to area 5 is blocked by a heavy round stone.

• Shining the sun's light onto the northern mirror: If the sun's light is shone directly onto the mirror set in the northern niche, the door to area 5 will open. A counterweight will simultaneously roll the stone in the entrance hall (area 3), closing the mound off from outside access. That is to say, if the door to area 5 is opened, the entrance to the mound is closed and vice versa. This effect will happen naturally on the sunrise of Midsummer's Day.
• Investigating the eastern altar: A burglar who specifically investigates the eastern altar for hidden doors or mechanisms will find that the lunar motif is a button. Pushing this button disarms the trapped stairs in area 6.

5. Resting room: An empty room. This space was once used for worshippers to make themselves ready to enter the pool of area 8.

6. Stairs: A flight of stairs descending into the earth. At the base of the stairs, there are two pillars containing levered mechanisms.

• Walking on the stairs: The 7th, 8th, and 9th are trapped. When 40 lbs. of weight is placed on these stairs, all three stairs turn into a trapdoor that fall 40' into an underground cavern, then close again. Burglars may make a Strength Δ8 test to dive off the stairs before falling.
• Mechanisms: These two mechanisms, when both engaged, disarm the trap on the stairs.

7. Pool of the Holy Spring: The heart of the mound is egg-like, with polished white stone walls and a domed ceiling. A spring floods the room, making it a pool of cold water.

• On Midsummer's Day: If the wight in area 9 is destroyed, the pool becomes a place of healing on Midsummer's Day. A maia of Estë visits the pool on this day and stirs the waters, blessing it. A player may benefit from one of the following healing effects (player's choice) per year:
  • Healing of all damage
  • Curing madness or mental affliction
  • Healing one long-term wound, scar, or lost body part
  • Improving one negative attribute to +0

8. Trapped hallway: A hallway that slopes towards area 9.

• Trap door: The middle of the hallway has a trap door. If not specifically investigated, the first burglar in the marching order can make a Subtlety Δ10 test to notice the trap door. Those who step on the trap door fall 50' into an empty cavern below. The trap door can be navigated by walking close to the edges of the hallway.

9. Priest's treasury: This black-marble lined chamber is the trove of the ancient priests of this place: seven stone jars hold their treasures (see below). A wight haunts the room: it conjures an unearthly mist that fills the area.

• Wight: VAL: 5, STR: 2, SKI: 3, UND: 3, SUB: 2, BEA: -2, MOVE 2
  END: 125, Attack: +6 (+1 sword), Defense +4 (gold-flourished, baroque armour)
  Everyone who wishes to attack the wight must make a Valour Δ8 test. On a failure, they suffer 1 fear damage each round they attack the wight.
  A wight suffers no criticals from any mundane weapon.
  Once defeated, a wight will return from death if its body is not removed from the mound and exposed to sun.
• Mist: All burglars suffer a -1 to Attack while in the mist. Hobbits are beneath the mist; treat their Defense as +2 in this room. Slaying the wight clears the mist.

Treasures:
In addition to many canopic jars that hold the ashes of previous priests, the following treasures are found within the seven stone jars:

• Anti-Ring: This silver ring that suppresses the power of all other magical rings worn. Cursed.
• Ring of Stone: With intense concentration, the wearer can turn into whatever stone they are touching for a turn (10 minutes), usable thrice a day. Additionally, the wearer is immune to any magical sigils carved into stone.
• Star Compass: A silver device reminiscent of the Antikythera mechanism. Using it allows one versed in Star Lore or Artifice Lore to accurately tell the time of day and year.
• Blue Leather Bottle Bag: This waterskin can hold one use of the Maia-stirred waters collected on Midsummer's Day and maintain its virtues, allowing the powers of the spring to be taken abroad.
• 20 diamonds
• Wishes of Woel Laebur: A tome written in the language of ancient Dunlendings. If translated, study of the tome can teach the following lores during Downtime (one lore gained for each Downtime of study): Caving Lore, Dancing Lore, Herding Lore, Song Lore, Star Lore, and Weather Lore.

[Credit: MERP - Haunted Ruins of the Dunlendings]

89.97

HAEDREC'S CAVE. Haedrec (man - garbed in yellow and red, disquieted, sorcerer) is a sorcerous hermit. His father was of Dúnedain stock and his mother was Dunlending; he follows the magical practices of his mother. He frequently has attempted to explore Setmaenen (88.97) but hasn't yet plumbed its inner mysteries. He will warn the company away from the place, saying truthfully that an evil spirit was sent by the Dark Lord to stop the worship that occurred within the mound on Midsummer's Day. This is partly from genuine concern and partly because he hopes to one day claim the treasures inside for himself.

[Credit: MERP - Haunted Ruins of the Dunlendings]

B.U.R.G.L.A.R.s Part 4: Treasures

Part 4 of my investigation into "Hobbits have a Roadside Picnic." 

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here.

Dragon gold 

We must away ere break of day

To seek the pale enchanted gold.

One of the primary reasons burglars brave the aberrations of the dungeon zone is the gold that the dragon amassed. No one has yet seen the center of Smaug's golden hoard and lived to tell the tale, but caches of gold can be throughout the Mountain. It glows softly with a pale green light. 

Art by Kattapulka

Dragon sickness

The lesser rings were only essays in the craft before it was full-grown, and to the Elven-smiths they were but trifles – yet still to my mind dangerous for mortals.

Burglars know how dangerous the dungeon zone is: clouds of razors, underground lightning, solid rock that temporarily becomes quicksand before hardening again. But more insidious is the dragon sickness, which clings to the things they bring out of the Mountain. 

When you return to Lake-town, your dragon sickness rating is equal to the amount of slots occupied by dragon gold or magic treasures. Your dragon sickness rating lowers by 1 for every month spent not carrying any gold or treasures. 

1-2: You get winded easily. Reduce your movement by 5'. If you ever drop to 1 hp or lower, you lose a tooth. 

3-5: You get a -1 penalty to your Saving Throws. Your hair is thin. You get regular nosebleeds.

6-9: Reroll your hp. If it's lower than your current maximum hp, it becomes your new maximum. You lose your hair in chunks.

10+: Lose 1 point of Constitution and 1d4 teeth permanently. You regularly bleed from your gums and nail beds. 

Dragon sickness (as opposed to most rules in this blog series) is a player-facing rule. The players track how many items they have on their person and know enough about dragon sickness (as professionals) to have in-character knowledge of its effects.

Treasures

The Visit did take place, but it is by no means over. We’re actually in contact as we speak, we just don’t know it. The aliens are holed up in the Zones and are carefully studying us, simultaneously preparing us for the ‘time of cruel miracles.’

Dragon gold lets burglars stay in a state of inebriation long enough to forget the pains of the dragon sickness, but treasure is what the Union of the Five Armies want. They want to study them. They want to copy them. They want to break them and harvest what comes out. Burglars call treasures "swag." 

Dungeon zone treasures should be in a black box to the players. Only experimentation should reveal some of their properties. Don't tell them the full item descriptions.

Dripper

The ring market of Lake-town is flooded due to the proliferation of drippers. Drippers are rings of a gold-colored but unknown metal*. They are discovered in a variety of sizes, but most are well-sized to be worn by a human hand. Every nine days, a dripper creates eight copies of itself--identical in all ways except that the duplicates do not, themselves, produce duplicates.

*If hammered or melted, they break down into a ephemeral slime. 

Balanced Bracelet

Another piece of apparent jewelry forged by Smaug, balanced bracelets are a collection of larger rings of dull metal--too large to be worn on the finger but appropriate as a bracelet or arm ring. When set on their edge and spun, these bracelets will spin forever. 

Light Clay

This clay, when fired, becomes hard and brittle like pottery but lighter than air. The works made of this clay hover like partially-deflated helium balloons. 

Spark Beads

Black, tubular glass beads that are discovered in a variety of sizes, from about 1" to as large as a 9" long. When left in the sun for 12 hours, they glow with dim light for 6 hours (360 turns). 

Death Lantern

A bullseye lantern that emits a green light within 30'. The lantern can be completely uncovered, shedding light in all directions, or partially uncovered into a projected spotlight. The beam of light deals 1d8 damage per round to living creatures (Save to avoid), but has no effect on inanimate material. Death lanterns have 1d100 rounds of use when discovered.

Dowsing Rods

Dowsing rods are lengths of metal that come in different abstract shapes (but straight is most common). If struck against a hard surface, the resonance with which they ring is determined by their proximity to dragon gold. If within 100' of dragon gold, they warble and shake when struck. If within 30' of dragon gold, they produce a high pitched whine and tremble for several moments. If within 3' of dragon gold, they vibrate so hard that they cannot be held and produce a whine that is pitched so high that only elves and hobbits can hear it (it is outside of the register of dwarves and men). 

Drinkers

A fungus reminiscent of a shelf of fossilized coral. They are found in patches of 1d4 x 10' cubes, and can be cut to fit 1-4 slots of pack space. When exposed to liquid, it absorbs it at a rate of 10 gallons/round. A drinker can hold 100 gallons per slot of liquid. Like a sponge, drinkers can be squeezed to release their stored liquid--but the rate of release is only a trickle. 

Shrieker

A shrieker is a purple shelf fungi found in clusters of 1d12 individuals. If their conical "mouths" are stimulated, a shrieker produces a piercing, high-pitched whine.  Each creature within 500' must either take 1d4+1 damage or be stunned for 1d2 rounds. This automatically triggers an encounter check. Each shrieker can be activated once.

Spiker

Another treasure in the fungus family, a spiker looks like a sea urchin. When disturbed, they throw their spikes, which cover a 10' square area around them in porcelain-like shards.

Spikers can be harvested with care, wrapped carefully, and thrown as a weapon. They deal 1d6 damage on impact, and deal 1 damage each round thereafter until the victim spends a round to remove the shards from their flesh. Treat as caltrops once detonated in a space. 

Immovable Rod

Hey man it's a classic for a reason.

Burning Wheel

These wooden and metal wheels tend are as large as cart wheels. If placed in a fire of any size, burning wheels extinguish the flames, smothering them within a few rounds. If spun on an axel, burning wheels will alight into a continuously burning flame. 

Red Glass

Peering through this ruby-colored glass allows the viewer to see heat signatures. Even in the pitch dark, living creatures appear as glowing forms. The shape of stone and metal stands out against the ambient temperature of the air. Fungal blooms appear as a white haze. Cold-blooded creatures, such as un-dead or dragons, do not appear in the glass at all.

Prophet Dust

This glittering sand, when spread onto the surface of water, makes the surface tension of the water impermeable for 1 turn (10 minutes). The water can be walked on. Anything under the water cannot break the surface. 

Heart of the Mountain

No object looms larger in the burglars' rumours than the Heart of the Mountain. 

They say that Smaug sleeps with it under his head. 

They say it's too big to move, even if you found it when he was outside of his golden hoard. 

They say it grants your heart's dearest wish.

They say it kills one person touching it for every wish it grants.