The Secret History of The Castle Automatic

When Sean McCoy proposed the Dungeon23 project, I couldn't help but join in. I wrote two dungeons--one for His Majesty the Worm and one for Under Hill, By Water. This effort eventually went on to become the 100+ room, Metroidvania-inspired dungeon...

The Castle Automatic

The premise of The Castle Automatic is that there is a mechanical castle with a self-contained sun, moon, and seasons. It was once ruled by a cruel giant emperor, but has since fallen into ruin and become haunted by vampires and wind-up golems who play-act a continual faction war. Players need to repair the engines of the castle in order to control the flow of time inside it and change the environment to solve puzzles and find treasure.

But I had been noodling on the basic idea for this dungeon for many years. It had taken root there when I was just a small child.

The True Origins of The Castle Automatic

There is an unfinished blogpost sitting in my drafts that I started I don't know how many years ago. I found it recently. Here is a screenshot of it, in its entirety.

At this point, The Castle Automatic was a gleam in my eye

To summarize the aborted post, there is a children's show that I lives half-formed in my memories called Eureka's Castle (1989-1991). It consisted of a bunch of muppets--a wizard, a dragon, a bat, etc.--who lived in a wind-up castle owned by a giant. Here's a link to the intro. Perhaps you remember it?

The show certainly wasn't a favorite of mine. I never had cable TV. I mostly watched it on doctor's office TVs or when I visited my aunt. But something about it stuck in my brain. When I was doing the work of writing one room a day, those memories came came spilling into my new dungeon.

To give you a preview of The Castle Automatic, I'll post some screenshots from the book of NPCs and dungeon features, then show you the puppets that inspired them. 

Taitale Allcraft

When you see who she represents, you'll say "Eureka!"

If the Castle Automatic is the Labyrinth of Crete, Taitale is Daedalus: a renowned inventor captured and forced to create her own prison. Since time has been broken inside the Castle, she remains trapped there still. Finding and rescuing her and bringing her into modern Underfolk society is one of the hooks for the module. 

She is, of course, inspired by the sorceress who lends the series the series her name. The hint in the text is that saying "Taitale!" is the dwarven equivalent to saying "Eureka!" -- a word to symbolize a sudden flash of insight.

Mr. Knack

Every dungeon of particular size should have a merchant in it to do business with the PCs. In the Castle Automatic, it's Mr. Knack. He appears on the three of the five Meatgrinders (there is a Meatgrinder for each level of the dungeon). In each area that he appears, he has a different bag of wares. 

A weird little fellow. My players hated him in playtesting (positive).

Something I think is cool is this haggling mechanic I snuck in for Mr. Knack: "The price listed is his starting cost. He will come down as much as 50% off of this cost. He will only entertain as many counter-offers as the haggler’s Wands score before he puts his foot down and insists on a final price." Often, rules for Worm are just rulings that I made during my sessions that seem to work.

Mr. Knack is inspired by a character from Eureka's Castle called...Mr. Knack. In fact, he's changed almost not at all from his original version. 

Wearing my inspiration on my sleeve with this guy.

Pimple the Vampiric Torturer

R.L. Stein was a writer on Eureka's Castle. You can see the resemblance between him and the bat, Batley.

The equivalent in the Castle Automatic is Pimple, one of the vampires that now haunt the ruin. He is the torturer and delights in making captured PCs spin his giant Wheel of Fortune, which gives them bizarre banes. 

Batley was terribly nearsighted. Pimple is, too, and takes disfavor on attacks because of it.

Something I think is cool is the Challenge page on the right. I have a ton of these throughout the module, all illustrated by Tiger Wizard. They are intended to be handouts for set piece battles that can occur through the dungeon. These pages delineate the different zones of a Challenge if a fight breaks out in a particular room and outlines special rules that make that fight fun and different. You can see Pimple looming up abstractly in the corner.

The Moat Twins, Bogge and Quaggmire

Another fairly direct inspiration, Eureka's Castle had a pair of aquatic monsters that lived in the moat. The Castle Automatic has these guy, too. Whereas the puppets liked peanut butter sandwiches, my moat monsters love riddles and puzzles. You can fight them, but you can also solve their riddles to get them to unlock underwater gates that normally the players couldn't access. Monsters should have lots of options for how to approach them.

The Devil, a Dragon

Eureka's Castle had a dragon--a childlike, lovable dragon named Magellan. I agree with R.L. Stein that every dungeon should have a dragon. But mine is more in line with Worm aesthetics: a dragon that is unknowable, deadly, a force of nature.

The residents of the Castle Automatic call the dragon that lives in the courtyard "The Devil" for her ferocity. 

The Devil uses special rules for the Meatgrinder in her region. Whenever the Devil major arcana is drawn, she appears!

The Devil is a type of dragon called a wyvern: a dragon of the elemental air. As opposed to the generic fire breath, she calls down lightning. When fighting her, there's a chance to be struck by lightning at the beginning of every round. 

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Anyway, I hope this all isn't too goofy of a way to say: please check out The Castle Automatic if you haven't already. Fingers crossed that the screenshots show that despite the whimsical origins the book has some cool ideas. The early-bird pricing at Exalted Funeral is going to expire very soon, so don't miss out.

Stats as hammer, stats as nails

There's nothing revolutionary in this post, but I think it contains generally good advice and feels worthwhile articulating.

When an RPG gives you something generic, a player skill that enlivens your roleplaying is describing it in a non-generic way. Items are a great place to have fun with this idea.

Instead of a dagger, it's a "wavy dagger with a hilt shaped like a mushroom." 

You can "show, not tell" your character's backstory this way. Instead of a dagger, it's a dissection scalpel used in haruspicy, which is practiced by your people. Instead of a dagger, it's a dueling dirk you won the right to wear when you dueled your half-brother to death.

Here is a list of every item from the gear list in His Majesty the Worm with a few flavorful descriptions for each. 

Alchemy kit

• Cottage Witch Alchemy Kit: Wicker basket with scavenged ingredients stored in frog stomach pouches, cat skulls, and bat-wing purses. Your alchemy isn't "natural science," but a form of folk magic.

Animal feed

• Dog biscuits: Your mom baked these dog biscuits from leftover oats for your animal companion, Rufus.

Armor, light

• Retiarius Armor: The armor of the retiarius-type gladiator: heavy-linen arm guards and a leather shoulder piece. 
• Orc Woad Tattoos: Seablooded orcs favor writing protective runes in woad paint instead of bulky armor that will weigh them down if they fall overboard. 
• Beekeeper Suit: Thick robes and a wicker mask complete the beekeeper's signature apparel.

Armor, iron

• Immortal's Chainmail: A hauberk of chainmail stripped from the body of the eunuch "Immortal" warrior caste of Far-Away, brought as a curiosity by an antiquities trader and stolen early in your career.
• Alien Diving Suit: An extradimensional scientist tried to visit the plane of Flesh and constructed this suit of iron and rubber to survive our inhospitable conditions. He was killed by the inhospitable natives. It smells of ammonia.

Armor, steel

• House Mereswine's Platemail: A set of lobstered steel plate worn by cavalrymen in the guard of House Mereswine. It has a dolphin motif in keeping with their house sigil.

Bedroll

• Mummy Sleeping Bag: When you get in to your sleeping bag, you look like a real mummy--all wrappings and faux-Egyptology designs. 
• Owlbear Hide: You killed the owlbear in your first foray into the Underworld and kept the hide. You made a scratchy blanket out of it that you sleep in.

Bezoar

• Frog Throat Bezoar: The weird guy in the Omphalos Market that sold this to you claims it was from a giant frog. You're not sure you believe him.

Blank book

• Dwarf-Skin Book: An ogre bound this book in dwarf skin. Gross!
• Quipu Yarn: Elves sometimes use a woven language to help keep records. This collection of yarn is like a blank book--you'll weave your story together.

Booze

• Pirate's Hooch: Fermented in a pirate's peg leg, it's strong but nobody would call it good.
• Metheglin: This lavender-infused metheglin was made by your wife. It reminds you of home.

Caltrops

• Toy Soldiers: Your son played with these metal toy soldiers with bayonets that were so sharp they were practically real. You borrowed them for your expedition and throw them out as caltrops.

Candle

• Beeswax Candles: You harvested this beeswax yourself from your home hive. 
• Human-fat Candles: The rendered fat of a murderer went into this candle. It produces a foul, black smoke.

Chain

• Anchor Chain: A length of chain salvaged from a shipwreck that you survived. 
• Ball & Chain (-Ball): You wore this chain in the dungeon that you escaped from. You hammered off the heavy lead ball, but have found the chain useful to keep.

Chalk

• Student's Chalk: The chalk is cheap and quality is poor but it gets the job done. It's intended for students at the Madrasa in the City.

Clothes, rags

• Troll's Tunic: After a slime burned off all your clothes, you were forced to borrow a tunic from a troll friend. It's basically a dress on you. 

Clothes, common

• Ninja: A cool ninja outfit. 

Clothes, finery

Every character should have a signature hat. Seriously.

Click for more hats

Cooking gear

• Senshi's Shield: Once, this was your family's adamantine heirloom shield. But since you're a cook not a fighter, you reforged it into this wok! 

Crowbar

• Thief's Hand: This crowbar is flourished with an open hand.
• Crow Bar: This crowbar is flourished with a crow's head and beak motif.

Falconry gear

• Elven Hawker's Chemicals: Instead of leather tools such as lures, hoods, jessies, etc. to control the bird, elves use chemical compounds in small glass jars extracted from insects. One temporary blinds the hawk, one paralyzes its wings, one awakens its prey drive, etc.

Fishing gear

• Mermaid Hair Net: A mermaid wove this net from her own hair. It is festooned with little sea glass baubles.

Firewood

• Bonfire of the Vanities: This was once a statue of a blasphemous idol, smashed to bits by the axes of the Athleta Mythrii. It is right that such as blasphemy is now used for kindling.

Flint & tinder

• Sacred Firestarter: The shavings of the tinder were taken from fallen wood given by the hearttree of your village and soaked in sacred oil. The flint was harvested and blessed by a law-speaker.
• Tinder Fungus: Instead of carrying spark-makers, you carry live coals nested inside of tinder fungi. You have six of these.

Garlic

• Weird Bulb: The bulb looks like a weird old man's face! Isn't it uncanny?

Grappling hook

• Anchor: Your grappling hook is a repurposed anchor from a ship.

Hammer

• Coffin Maker's Hammer: This hammer's first owner was a coffin maker. It has driven many coffin nails. 

Hatchet

• Orcish Stone Hatchet: The earthblooded orcs still practice the patient art of stone working, including making stone hand tools like this hatchet. 

Helm

• Knight's Helm: Ahhh! The noble knight's helm! A close helmet festooned with a snail crest.
• Prisoner's Cage: Not a helmet at all, but a scold's bridle in fashion of a cage. Still, it might turn a blow.
• Thiollier's Mask: "A mask upon which is carved a tranquil sleeping face."

Really, helms are such an opportunity to play Fashion Souls.

Hermetic bottle

• Old Wine Bottles: You've sealed these old wine bottles pretty tight! They still have the labels on them.

Hourglass

• Novelty Hourglass: This hourglass is shaped like a woman with a real hourglass figure! It elicits groans and eyerolls from your guild mates.

Iron spike

• Crucifixion Nails: These spikes were nails pulled from the hands and feet of crucified criminals.

Lantern

• Medusa Lantern: Each side of the lantern is shaped like a medusa's face, mouth open in a monstrous scream.

Lard

• Scam Soap: This soap was sold by a merchant claiming that 1-in-20 bars had a gold coin inside! You hope this bar is one of the lucky ones!

Leeches

• Tiny Slimes: It's illegal to carry slimes into the City, but you find baby slimes to be much more useful than leeches at extracting small portions of blood from a sick patient.

Lockpicks

• Cat's Whiskers: This set of lockpicks are carried in a case with a winking, cartoonish cat. 
• Skeleton Keys: This brand of thieves tools is called "Skeleton Keys." Each pick is festooned with a smiling skull.

Manacles

• Mage's Cuffs: These iron cuffs clamp onto a sorcerer's wrists to stop them from casting spells. They are not linked together, so the sorcerer still has the use of their hands and arms. 

Mirror

• Saintly Relic: This broken mirror fragment is said to be a shard of St. Jason's famous mirrored shield.

Musical instrument

• Dwarven Carnyx: This tall horn is shaped like a boar and makes a clear, piercing note that can be heard for a mile or more.
• Halfling Panpipes: These panpipes have a false reed that can be used to carry a long-shanked tobacco pipe. 
• Underfolk Common Hymn Book: A collection of traditional Underfolk songs sung at traditional times: births, deaths, weddings. 

Oil

• River Whale Oil: The river whales that live in the River Grey near the City are hunted for their oil and other byproducts. In the City, river whales are associated with death and dreams. Parents tell children that burning a lamp of whale oil will banish their nightmares. 
• Mushroom Oil: Piggy of the Cave is a favored mushroom of Underfolk: its meaty texture provides welcome variety in their diet. It can also be rendered into a smoky-burning oil.

Pick

• Dwarven Mattock: A heavy mattock written with Ancient Underfolk runes reading: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

Pipe & Pipeweed

• Carven Pipe: A long ornate pipe carved to look like an old sea-captain smoking (recursively) a corncob pipe.

Or, imagining that the pipe is a *feature* of His Majesty the Worm that simply allows you to remove Stress for the cost of a pack slot, you can recast this to be a variety of consumable items.

• Bubble Bath: The dungeon is a smelly place. Taking a bubble bath lets you regain a measure of composure and center yourself.
• Brain Licorice: A candy made of dried brain jellies and anise. Eating it smooooothes away the wrinkles.

Pole, 10'

• Shepherd's Crook: A shepherd's crook made of olive wood, especially long, with a nice crook at the end.
• Lamplighter's Snuffer: A basic 10' long bronze and pewter candle snuffer from the Lamplighter's Guild.
• Finglonger: What would it be like if I invented the finglonger?

Poultice

• Prayer Flags: The bandages are linen strips made from prayer flags, each with a calligraphed prayer. 
• Elven Mummy: Extracted from an elven sarcophagus by their direct descendants in a process called Reclaiming, the mummy's wrappings and ground-up flesh are used as medicines. 

Quill & Ink

• Clerical Illumination Tools: A teak wood writing case with tools for illuminating coded books of the Mythraic Mysteries: horsehair bush, knife to scrape the paper, sand to dry the ink, and jars of black, gold, and red inks. 
• Gnomish Librarian's Invisible Inks: A quill from a hoopoe bird and invisible inks (only legible under the moon or stars). 

Rations

• Human Rations: Wicker basket of rations containing: flat bread, olives, pickled cucumbers, dried figs, hard cheese, honey comb, and sausage. 
• Underfolk Rations: Wax paper bundle containing: travel biscuits, carrots, mushrooms, mushroom chutney, dried apple, mole jerky, and piece of toffee. A jug of wine (for dwarves) or tea (for halflings and trolls) included.
• Fay Rations: Clay jar, fire-ready, with a stew of horse meat, succotash, and beans. Corn cakes wrapped separately. 
• Orc Rations: Banana leaf wrapped around: clay jar of barley and oat porridge, clay jar of goat's milk yogurt, pickled herring, and smoked whale jerky.

Religious paraphernalia

• Portable Shrine: A tiny desk with an embedded icon of the Hierophant, a candle holder, and an attached rosary. 
• Stone Idol of Rng: A crudely carved stone face painted half white and half black. 

Rope

• Handkerchiefs: A rope made out of brightly-colored handkerchiefs tied tightly together. 

Salt

• Mined Salt: A wooden box shaped like a dwarven grandmother filled with quarried salt.

Shield

• Church Door: Wielded by a troll, this shield was once the door into the Fane of the Heresiarch. 
• Pickle-Barrel Lid: Wielded by a halfling, this shield is just the round top of a pickle barrel with a handy little handle. It is painted with a bright sun as a heraldic device. 

Shovel

• Gnomish Archaeologist Shovel: The Archaeologist Society within the Court of Redcaps issues this small shovel to its members to help excavate artifacts from stones and soil.

Spyglass

• Opera Glasses: Extreme opera glasses, for watching the play from the tippy top of the nosebleeds.

Tent

• Knight's Pavilion: This brightly-colored tent is emblazoned with the your heraldry--a knight jousting atop a noble snail. 

Tinker's kit

• Grandpa's Tackle Box: A metal boxed inherited from your grandfather. It once held fishing lures, but now holds all sorts of tools and odds and ends: cut pieces of wood, putty, nails, pliers, lengths of wire, etc. 

Torch

• Wedding Torch: Your bride left you standing at the altar, but her family already paid for all these torches. Might as well use 'em. 
• Juggling Torch: These were made by Flavius the Clown, the premier torch juggler of the City. 

Wand of archwood

• Thunderbolt: The archtree was split by lightning. This wand has a thunderbolt design to commemorate the event. Blasts of magic from it have a lightning-like aspect.

Weaponry

• Bearded Axe: The axe is literally bearded: it's shaped like an orcish face with a long, beautiful beard as the blade.
• Sword of the Torturer's Guild: This heavy blade is intended to take heads. As such, it has no point. It has two sharp edged sides: one for slaying men, one for slaying women. A vein of quicksilver in the blade gives overhanded swings extra weight.
• Elven Bow: A bow of yew strung with a single golden elf hair.
• Magnetic Morningstar: This morning star is not connected by a chain. Instead, the spiked ball seems to "orbit" the handle.

Wolfsbane

• Aspergillum of Wolfsbane: An aspergillum of mountain water infused with wolfsbane. In the event of a lycanthrope, you can anoint the beast with the water. 

The Lifecycle of RPG Publishing

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I'm currently doing a preorder campaign instead of a "traditional" crowdfunding campaign for my first big project for His Majesty the Worm, The Castle Automatic:

Click the pic to learn more

Since I'm currently going through the process of publishing an RPG supplement, I thought it might be worthwhile to enumerate the basic outline of my process: the steps that it takes to get a physical book made with a publisher. The process can feel opaque if you've not involved in the industry. But I promise you: If I can do it, you can do it! 

The Phases of Making a Big Old Dungeon

Roughly, we can think of the process as a waterfall workflow with six main phases. People familiar with the software development lifecycle will know that waterfall is a dirty word, but there are meaningful gates that prevent future work being done. For example, you cannot do fulfillment until the book is printed. 

That said, by knowing all the steps, you can anticipate what is coming next and begin pre-work on that step. For example, because we know that we're bundling the book with a map, we'll need to anticipate packaging these orders together.

The steps are:

1. Writing: Get the dang thing on paper! This also includes playtesting, revising, and developmental editing.

2. Editing: Before the book can be laid out, the text needs to be copyedited and free of errors. All of the references, monster stats, and room descriptions on page 140 should be consistent with those on page 14.  

3. Layout & Art: Next comes the act of making the text look good by laying it out with expert graphic design and all new art. This also includes creating graphics for information design and indexing.

Psst. This is how The Castle Automatic is looking, re: layout and art. 

4. Printing: At this stage, the creative team is pretty much done, but we're still only halfway to our goal of having the book in hand! The book goes into pre-press to make sure everything was set up correctly for print—colors, margins, gutters, etc. Then, the book is sent to the printers. (At this point, Early Worms will get a digital copy of the book!)

5. Shipping & Warehousing: Once the book is printed, it makes the journey by boat to the United States for warehousing. This part can take a surprisingly long time--3-4 months.

6. Delivery: Once Exalted Funeral has the book, it can be shipped to Early Worms!

Status update for The Castle Automatic

Status: On track

Current phase: Editing (95% complete)

Next steps: Layout is set to begin as soon as copyediting is finalized. Our goal is to finish the layout early next year. In the background, the key art for the module has already been completed. Once layout is complete, additional art may be needed to fill gaps and get everything looking great. Once all additional art has been placed, the digital edition will be ready!

Preorder Timeline

We've had a few Early Worms asking how long the preorder campaign will be open. We would like to give people a chance to get in on being an Early Worm, but still make it special by not having the Early Worm map incentive go on for too long. We anticipate the Preorder Early Worm with Map Campaign to end around the end of the first quarter of next year and then switch to a full priced preorder. That give us plenty of time to know how many maps we need ahead of the early summer delivery! 

If you're excited too, let people know about the book! Tell your friends! Chatter on Reddit! Holler on Discord! Let the Early Worms multiply.

[Early Worm Campaign] The Backstory of the Castle Automatic

In case you missed it, I'm currently running a direct pre-order campaign for my upcoming 100+ room, 5 level dungeon The Castle Automatic. 

Become an Early Worm now!

But what's the story of the Castle Automatic? What makes it an interesting place to explore?

Here's the deal

Long ago, in the confluence of history and mythology, a conquering giant declared himself the Emperor of the Wide World—the king of kings. He gathered four treasures to himself: a sword that could defeat any weapon, a coin that could pay for anything, a cup that granted immortality, and a wand that opened doors in thin air.

In this time, a certain dwarf named Taitale was widely considered the smartest person alive. The Emperor of the Wide World commissioned Taitale to build him a castle populated entirely by mechanical golem guardians to hide these four treasures. It was called the Castle Automatic. Then, the Emperor placed Taitale in the Castle, a prisoner in a prison of her own creation, so that she would never tell anyone how to defeat its many traps and puzzles. 

Taitale's son sought to free his mother and meddled with forces beyond his understanding, playing a discordant melody not meant for mortal minds. Vampiric spirits from the far realms rushed into the world, eager for their fill of blood. They overthrew the Emperor and broke the mechanisms that controlled the Castle Automatic.

For an age, the Castle Automatic has been lost in the Underworld. But now, its gates have been reopened…perhaps by His Majesty the Worm?

Why do you explore the terrible castle?

You can use the Castle Automatic as a dungeon in your Underworld. In His Majesty the Worm, adventurers are primarily motivated by their quests. The GM can add any quest objective into the Castle, integrating their ideas and plots into the factions, treasures, and characters of the dungeon. Because of the powerful artifacts housed within, consider placing it deep in your Underworld where it is not directly connected to the surface. 

You can also use the Castle Automatic as an independent adventuring location, basing a small campaign around finding and exploring the Castle. In this case, the GM can suggest a player (or the entire guild) take a quest specific to the published information from this dungeon.

This dungeon has stats and references to the procedures of His Majesty the Worm. It is still appropriate for use in the OSR game of your choice (with a little adaptation). 

Here are likely personae, treasure, or occurrences in the Castle Automatic that you can tie to your players' quests. 

Find the Four Treasures

There are four powerful magic items in the Castle Automatic: 

• The Perfect Sword, which can defeat any weapon 
• The Coin of Pentacles, which can pay any debt 
• The Chalice of Life, which can extend mortal life 
• The Wand of Power, which can fold space 

Note: The four treasures significantly change the balance of the game, and we recommend against letting the guild continue to adventure outside the Castle Automatic after obtaining any of them. Acquiring the four treasures should either be the capstone of a campaign (followed by blissful retirement), or the triumphant adventurers should become rulers of the Castle, replacing one of the other factions. 

Rescue Taitale

Perhaps the guild has been tasked with rescuing the mythical Taitale from her imprisonment. She is an important figure in underfolklore. 

Rescuing a figure out of the mythic past would be enough to win any underfolk fame and renown. Even the most recalcitrant dwarven lord would surely acquiesce to a request from an adventurer who accomplished such a task. 

Taitale could also bring knowledge out of the past to the present. She could explain processes long forgotten, repair machinery long since broken, or even invent new technologies.

Slay the Hierophant

Perhaps the evil depredations of the Hierophant threaten the City or the guild's allies in the Underworld. Perhaps someone from an adventurer's past has fallen victim to the curse of vampirism, and slaying the Hierophant is the only cure. Perhaps the blood of a vampire lord like the Hierophant is the only reagent powerful enough to power a magical ritual that allows the guild to fulfill one of their quests.

Some example spreads

The development is complete! Copyediting and layout are the next steps. I think it's turning out awesome. Check it out. 

The GM map is the most complete version; there's also a minimap and maps for the players

Taitale and her son, Vorte, have been trapped in the castle for an age

Each room in the castle has traps, new monsters, and new treasures for players to uncover

There are five separate levels, all connected through magical mirrors

Become an Early Worm

New to His Majesty the Worm? Want a ready-made dungeon to get started with? The Castle Automatic is for you! Join now and receive an exclusive map with your order. 

Why the Castle Automatic is doing a preorder campaign instead of a Kickstarter

In case you missed it, I just launched a pre-order campaign for my upcoming 100+ room, 5 level dungeon The Castle Automatic. 

Click to become an Early Worm!

Instead of doing a "traditional" Kickstarter to fund the book, I opted for a pre-order campaign through Exalted Funeral instead. We're calling it the Early Worm campaign. 

Why?

Most folks don't remember this, but once upon a time, Kickstarter was for burgeoning creators to collect enough cash to hire artists, editors, designers, and other folks to help them make their dreams a reality. Since then, the biggest companies in the industry have come to dominate crowdfunding platforms. They bring completed, polished works to the table and gamify people's FOMO. Now, crowdfunding platforms are really marketing and preorder platforms, not really a place for new artists to launch new projects. And, of course, these platforms are happy to take their chunk of the cash. 

The Worm team has long been skeptical of the current trends in crowdfunding. To fund the core game, we used an Itchfunding model—putting ashcan drafts of chapters up on Itch.io as pay-what-you-will to collect enough coins to commission artists and editors. It took a long time, but it was the right move for the game. 

Now, to fund the production costs for the Worm's next big book, we want to do something similar. 

A preorder campaign is like crowdfunding, but it cuts out the middleman and dispels the kayfabe of "will it fund?" We are confident this book is getting made! 

This approach is more honest, more appropriate for Exalted Funeral's size, and promotes a better culture between me (the writer) and you (the gamer). 

But making a book takes a minute! Artists need to draw the art, cartographers need to draft the maps, it needs to be laid out by a graphic designer, the editor needs to make sure all the cross-references are correct. Then, printing, shipping, warehousing, packaging—all before the postal service can bring you the book. While we're working, we'd like to start gauging interest. It helps us cover these costs up front. 

This isn't a Kickstarter, but I'm still excited to keep you informed every step of the way! 

Current status

Writing is complete and the book is currently in copyediting! Layout should be complete by the end of the year. Print files will be prepared early next year. We expect that with prepress, printing, and shipping, this preorder will be fulfilled in May or June of 2026.

I will update Early Worms with regular updates via email. As soon as the digital files are ready, backers will get instant access. 

As thanks for supporting the book during the preorder campaign, we'll give you a free large scale (A3) isometric map of the Castle Automatic illustrated by Guy Pradel. 

Click to embiggen. Ain't she a beaut?

Join the Early Worm campaign, help us prove our point about Kickstarter, and dig into a Metroidvania megadungeon that will make you fall in love with dungeon crawling.

[EARLY WORM CAMPAIGN] The Castle Automatic - A Dungeon for HIS MAJESTY THE WORM

Hoo boy. Okay. 

The Castle Automatic's great gears sat still for an age. Now, His Majesty the Worm has begun the machines again…

Become an Early Worm!

The Castle Automatic is a 100+ room, 5-level Metroidvania-style dungeon designed for use with His Majesty the Worm, the 2x ENNIE-winning, tarot-based RPG. In the module, players will repair magi-mechanical engines that control the castle's sun, moon, weather, and seasons to overcome its deadly challenges. The book is ~144 pages, A4, black and white. PDF and digital handouts included. 

Use it as an entire campaign! If you're new to His Majesty the Worm, you can get started with just this dungeon, the core book, and a single tarot deck! Or, slot it into your personal Underworld, expanding the core game with all new talents, monsters, dungeon lords, and magical treasures.  

Click to zoom in

Importantly, The Castle Automatic is easy to run. Puzzles, traps, and combat sites are illustrated and included as handouts to be shown during play. The GM has a dungeon tracking sheet to monitor the castle's current state: mechanisms broken and repaired, time of day and year, and current factions in play. With maps for the GM, for the players, and included on every dungeon spread, it's easy to understand the sprawling space. Art, dungeon tracker assets, and maps are also included as separate assets so GMs can easily distribute them to their players and display them during the game. 

The Castle Automatic is currently raising funds as a preorder at Exalted Funeral! We're calling it the Early Worm campaign. It's like crowdfunding, but more direct. 

Click to zoom in

There are lots of reasons to become and Early Worm 

Join the preorder campaign now to receive a large scale (A3) isometric map of the Castle Automatic! This is an exclusive offer, not available after the campaign. 

But not just that!

• 

  Map by Guy Pradel - click for big size!

  A reason to explore: Four magical artifacts are locked inside the castle—each is powerful enough that the factions of the City would give anything an adventurer wanted to get their hands on one. Also, adventurers can meet mentors to learn all new talents! 
• A reason to experiment: The Castle Automatic's magical engines are broken. Adventuring guilds can repair them to change its seasons, the weather, and the day/night cycle to overcome different challenges and unlock new sections of the dungeon. 
• A reason to talk: The dungeon is controlled by competing factions of golems, ancient giants who once ruled this place, and the otherworldly vampires who stole it from them.
• A reason to fight: The module contains fully illustrated combat zones with new creatures and dungeon lords, including a wyvern, a shapeshifting vampiric hierophant, and four mechanical kings. 
• A reason to be surprised: Illustrated puzzles and traps let enterprising players balance risk and reward as they explore five interconnected levels.
• A reason to breathe easy: GMs have lots of conveniences—handouts, maps, and indices—to make running as easy as possible. 
• A reason to return: With 100+ rooms, there's plenty of content to sustain an entire campaign of His Majesty the Worm.  

What is His Majesty the Worm?

If you're not familiar with my previous work, here's the basic deal!

His Majesty the Worm is a new-school game with old-school sensibilities: the classic megadungeon experience given fresh life through a focus on the mundanities and small moments of daily life inside the dungeon. Often-ignored subsystems, like food, hunger, light, and inventory management, are central to play and actually fun. Tarot cards are used as a randomizing element. Combat encounters are handled with an action-packed subsystem that ensures that all players have interesting choices every minute of combat!

Basically, the game is the result of designing a dungeon crawling RPG using OSR principles from the ground up instead of adapting original D&D. 

It won two ENNIEs (Best Rules and Best Game) in 2025. If you've been holding off on giving it a look, now is the time to check it out! Preorder the Castle Automatic and get a campaign going as soon as the book fulfills! 

The Team

The book was written by me, Josh McCrowell! I'm obsessed with dungeons. In addition to His Majesty the Worm, I wrote a step-by-step guide to help GMs create dungeons that are fun and engaging. The Castle Automatic is a manifestation of this dungeon-design philosophy.

Development and editing has been provided by Ty Pitre. Copyediting is being done by Stuart Broz.

Interior fantasy art is provided by Martin S. and Felipe Faria. Puzzles, boss fights, and traps illustrated by Tiger Wizard. Cover art by Strega Wolf. Cartography (player map, GM map, and minimap) illustrated by Guy Pradel. 

Art by Felipe Faria - Click to preorder and plumb the depths of the Castle!

Magical School Downtime Actions

During my weekly game, I have been running a magical school game using His Majesty the Worm. Following my copy and paste manifesto ethos, I've been using The Yellow Book of Brechewold as my dungeon, but I've also been house ruling the hell out of the game to achieve the effect I wanted. 

This game plays with the normal phases of a Worm game. Play flows between Explore -> Extracurriculars -> Explore -> Exams. 

To give myself a little room in my preparation, only second-year students can do Extracurricular Actions that aren't Studying (first years need to study!). My gaming group just got to the second year (...because their first year students died to flying leeches). 

I wanted to share these downtime actions with you in hopes that they would amuse you or provide a framework for house ruling your own Worm games.

Art by Heikala

Extracurriculars

Brew Alchemy

Prerequisite: Lab Safety
Having completed your Lab Safety course, you're allowed to access the Greenhouses to percolate potions, originate oils, and brew bombs.

Boons
When you Brew Alchemy, you may transform all hermetically preserved reagents into an oil, bomb, or potion. In addition, Test Cups.

• Great Failure: An explosion! Mutagenic smoke fills the Greenhouses. Gain a mutation. To remove it, you must Disenchant it or go to the Hospital.
• Failure: No, no, stir the potion counterclockwise, not clockwise! You spoil most of the batch. Gain 1 random potion.
• Success: Gain 3 random potions.
• Great Success: See, if you crush the bell beetle with the flat of your blade before you cut into it…Create 5 random potions and choose 3.

Carousing

Blow off steam, try some magical experiments on stupid boys, and try not to get caught running down the halls after curfew. But be careful! Your fellow students might not take too kindly to you losing them the House Cup!

Boons
Gain [1d4+2]XP and lose an equivalent amount of house points x100. So if you gain 3XP, your house points decrease by 300. Also, remove the Stressed condition for free.

Commission Large Projects

Prerequisite: The Philosopher's Stone
Making gold isn't difficult, but it's a time consuming process. Using the philosopher's stone, you can create enough gold to trade to master artisans in Brechenborg.

Describe your project in a few words. You create enough gold to commission large-scale works: a statue in your honor, a wizard's tower, a bridge, an orphanage, a kennel, and so on.

Repeated use of this Extracurricular Action is cumulative; longer-syllable projects require multiple uses of the Commission Projects action.

Test Cups.

• Great Failure: Most of your batch of gold was ruined this time. You commission one syllable of the project.
• Failure: You were overambitious and stirred the mixture too soon. You commission two syllables of the project.
• Success: You commission four syllables of the project.
• Great Success: Good luck and a steady hand ensured the maximum yield of this crop of gold. You commission six syllables of the project.

Cram School

Prerequisite: 5th years with a VIM score of XX
Nearing the end of your studies but haven't completed all the courses you need for your career? One solution is to rend the forces of causality for your convenience! Petition the Headmaster to cast the Ritual of Time Sundering on your behalf.

Test Wands.

• Great Failure: Causality fallout. You become a random age, 1d100. Lose 1d4 XP.
• Failure: You are constantly confused about when you are. Impossible to learn anything like this. Lose 1XP.
• Success: You enroll in a third class this semester. The class can be any time, day or night, any year, by any professor, as long as you otherwise meet the prerequisites for it.
• Great Success: As a success. Additionally, accidentally traveled into the future briefly and glimpsed your exams. Gain a redraw to a card for any exam this semester.

Create Familiar

Prerequisites: Minor Imps, Hounds and Hawks of Brechewold
First, infuse an imp into an animal companion (usually, this is done by tricking the animal companion into eating the imp). Then, bind the animal companion as you would an imp to create a familiar.

Boons

A familiar has the following abilities:

• May be dismissed into the dreamworld when not needed or inconvenient.
• Can learn up to 5 commands.
• Has one random familiar feature.
• Almost impossible to kill; will fade into the dreaming on suffering a deadly blow, and return at some point later.

Art by Simz

Dragon Dodgeball

Prerequisites: Must complete Broom Ed
The most popular game in the world of witchery consists of several teams on brooms passing a fireball very quickly back between each other. It's dangerous, like most things at Brechewold, but glory outlasts death.

How to play
Two players. Collectively, select five small items to represent your team and mark out a play area at the table.

Draft one of the five items to each player and place the remaining piece in the middle of the play area. Players place their pieces on their edge of the play area.

Take turns flicking one of the pieces on your edge. If it hits one or more other pieces then move them all back to your edge. Pieces that leave the play area are out and removed from the game. First player to have no pieces on their edge loses.

Boons
The winner gains +1000 house points.

Those who win the Dragon Dodgeball Tournament several times become targets of professional headhunters. Who knows! You might graduate to the big leagues after school.

Disenchant

Prerequisites: Breaking Curses
Disenchantment is mostly a matter of finding the right threads to pull to make an entire spell unravel. This is done by administering a series of divinatory tests: the pendulum, reading the bones, tea leaves, etc.

Boons
A curse affecting anyone in the study group may be removed. (A tattoo from the INK spell is the most common curse.)

A cursed item's curse may be broken by taking this action. Additionally, magical items may be disenchanted and turned into mundane items.

Synergy
If the disenchanter has access to the Enchant action, they may move magical powers from one item into another. For example, stealing the +1 to hit bonus from one sword and placing it on an existing +1 sword for a +2 sword.

Dueling Club

The dungeons are a dangerous place! Learn to defend yourself like a true wizard by practicing attack magic at the Dueling Club.

How to duel

• Up to 5 players
• Each player holds up five fingers on one hand (this hand stays up for the rest of the game). Each finger is a life point.
• Each player counts to three then shows their other hand simultaneously.
• Players can zap, hold, or mirror shield.

• Zap: Point at another person. They lose 1 life, unless they have a mirror shield.
• Hold: Point your finger in the air. Nothing happens.
• Mirror Shield: Make a fist (fingers towards you). Any zaps bounce off of you and deal two points to whomever shot at you. Note: If no one shoots you, the mirror shield explodes and you lose 2 life points.
• Continue on until only one is left standing.

Boons
All participants master the "Attack" spell without needing to spend XP. Additionally, participants earn +200 house points for each student they defeated.

Enchant

Prerequisite: Runes of Power
The principle of enchantment and spellcasting is the same: draw the magic sigils and intone the incantation. Enchantment is the written form of a cast spell.

Boons
Permanently affix a spell you have mastered onto an item. For example, a magical key enchanted with the KEY spell will open any lock or a broom enchanted with the FLY spell will allow you to fly.

Art by Heikala

Forge

Prerequisite: Forging for Beginners
Your friends miss you during your long hours at the forge, but true craft takes time. Under the tutelage of Fullveig the Smith, you work the mundane forge in the courtyard of Castle Brechewold.

Describe to the GM what you want to make. This sets the amount of forge points (fp) needed to craft it.

• 1 forge point per syllable to craft something a farmer might have. Examples: dagger (2fp), pan flute (2fp), wooden dentures (4fp)
• 2 forge points per syllable of the commission if it's something an adventurer might have. Examples: helmet with a candle holder (16fp), imp trap (4fp), silverthread bug net (10fp)
• 3 forge points per syllable of the commission if it's something a noble might have. Examples: broadsword (6fp), platemail armor (12fp), bespoke clothing (12fp)
• 4 forge points per syllable of the commission if it's something that nobody has—something brand new. Examples: prosthetic leg (16fp), manticore saddle (20fp), decorative harpy wings (24fp)

Repeated use of this Extracurricular Action is cumulative; longer-syllable projects require multiple uses of the Forge action.

Test Swords.

• Great Failure: You muddle up and have to restart some of your progress. -2 forge points to your project's total.
• Failure: You make slow, steady progress towards your goal. +5 forge points.
• Success: You make excellent progress, +10 forge points.
• Great Success: You combine artistic insight with practical considerations, +15 forge points. Fullveig grants you his rare approval: +50 house points.

Grow Herbs

Prerequisite: Greenhouse Basics and Identifying Worts and Herbs or Mycology
Magical plants require special care. Whereas a petunia or begonia requires just water and light, a mandrake or wortwallop requires water, light, and mana. A careful balance of all three is needed.

Boons
Any hermetically sealed herbs or mushrooms you are carrying are planted in the Greenhouse. Thereafter, Brew Alchemy actions always include the option to brew potions made of these ingredients in addition to any other randomly created potions. (For example, if you have 2 herbs planted, you will be given the option of 3 potions out of 5 when you succeed at the Brew Alchemy action.)

Art by Heikala

Hobbies

You pursue a passion project during your downtime. Perhaps you dedicate yourself to the zither, study wizard chess, or just play Mundane Medieval Campaigns with your friends all night.

Test fate.

• Great Failure: Nobody understands your vision. And everybody's mad that your vision involved burning down half of your house common room. Lose -200 house points.
• Failure: You did that? Neat, I guess.
• Success: You become a more actualized version of yourself. The ace of a particular suit is a king for you for the rest of this semester.
• Great Success: As success, and you gain +300 house points and the blue ribbon in a local competition.

Hospital

Did you get turned into something unpleasant? Are you a victim of the rhyming curse? Did you catch a certain type of pox? It's time for a stay in the hospital wing to rest and recuperate.

Test Swords.

• Great Failure: A dozen spells, potions, and herbal poultices were tried, but no luck. You're stuck like this (for now).
• Failure: Although sometimes you still have a bit of a donkey's braying when you cough, you're mostly better! You'll be 100% cured by the end of the semester.
• Success: You're right as rain!
• Great Success: You gain favor in future tests of fate to avoid or resist whatever got you into this situation to begin with.

Hunting

Prerequisite: The Lord's Sport
You spend your free time far afield, in the Forbidden Forest of Brechewold, stalking the strange beasts that live there.

When you hunt, you slay either an exotic or natural beast.

Exotic beasts can be used as reagents in potions. Natural beasts can be used as trophies for house points. The beasts that you hunt must have HD equal to or lower than your Swords score.

Test Swords.

• Great Failure: You come back muddy, weather-beaten, and empty handed.
• Failure: Choose one:

• Hunt a random exotic beast
• Hunt a specific natural animal
• Success: Choose one:
• Bring back many exotic beasts up to your Swords score+2
• Hunt a specific natural animal up to your Swords score+4
• Great Success: Bring back an assortment of exotic beasts with HD equal to your Swords score+5. Also, you gain +500 house points for your bravery.

Make Friends

Did you take a shine to a student you met in the dungeons? Do you want to see if you actually get along with them in a non-terrifying situation?

Ask your friend about any subject and they'll give you their honest opinion. (Students might not know a lot about the dungeon itself.) Then, test Cups.

• Great Failure: You've made an enemy. They start a mean rumor about you. Every student you encounter next semester has heard it (and probably believes it).
• Failure: Well, that was awkward. Become Stressed.
• Success: Gain a new Bond with your friend, even though they're not in your study group. Begin each semester with it charged.
• Great Success: Gain a new Bond with your friend. Additionally, one time in the future, you can call in one favor. This allows you to draw two cards and take the highest in any card draw in any phase except the Explore Phase.

(If you're looking for something romantic, use the Snogging extracurricular instead.)

Moat Fishing

Many strange things fall into Lake Hart or float down from the headwaters in the mountains. Fish the moat around Brechewold to discover trash and treasure alike.

Boons
Roll 1d100. The GM will tell you what you find.

Monstroso Card Collector's Club

The most popular card game in school! Floop the pig!

Joining the club
When you join the club, you construct your first deck. Draw to see what type of deck you get.

• Swords - Aggro: Favor over Control
• Pentacles - Control: Favor over Combo
• Cups - Combo: Favor over Tempo
• Wands - Tempo: Favor over Aggro

You also gain 5 monster cards: roll 5d200 to see what you get.

Returning to the club
Each semester you attend the club, you gain a new type of deck and gain 5 new monsters.

As you explore
The Monstroso cards have interesting facts about real-life monsters on them! Keep them with you as you explore, and you can read the monster facts if you encounter them. (The GM will provide you with their actual stats.)

You might find Monstroso players in the dungeons, too! Trade cards with them.

Playing the game
Games are resolved by drawing a card and adding the rating of the deck (+favor, sometimes).

Your deck rating starts at +0. Each time you can make a "pair" of creatures that are thematically unified (two elementals, two natural animals, etc.), your deck gains a +1 bonus. You can use the same monster to make different groups. The max deck rating is +10.

At the beginning of the game, you meet your opponent. They'll give you a hint about what kind of deck they're using.

Then, make the best deck you can (most pairs) and select one of your deck types. Draw a card and add your deck rating. Add favor if your deck type has advantage over your opponent's. Highest total value wins!

Winners get 5 new monster cards.

No Good Nick's Club

Prerequisite: Must not be named Nick
This club is strictly forbidden! All students are prohibited from joining this underground fraternity! As such, this prohibited activity must not exist.

If such a club did exist, this is how it would probably go:
You would swear to uphold the Law of Comus and no Law but Comus's. Mischief will be your only lover and Chaos your only companion. You will abide no Nicks.

At midnight, you will join the fellow members of the No Good Nick's Club and raise Havoc in the halls of Brechewold.

Draw a card.
50% that you make a merry mischief, 50% it all blows up in your face

Swords/Wands (Boons)

• 1-2: You enchant a house's common room door to insult and belittle everyone who tries to use it. Later, the door tells you a rumor it heard from one of the students.
• 3-4: Everyone was very amused when you made Fflewder (Riddleward, second year) kiss the school pet pig. Gain one dose of leftover love philter.
• 5-6: You raid the Wine Cellar on the first floor of the dungeon. Gain a random wine potion but start the Explore Phase Stressed.
• 7-8: You switch your class's exam papers with copies made by the goblins of Professor Gronch. Gain +/-4 to one exam total this semester (your choice).
• 9-10: Every club member finds the most volatile reagents they can and puts them all in a Big Bomba. It's your turn to carry it right now.
• Page-Knight: You fiddle around with experimental magic with club members. Gain and spend 5XP on guessing spells you don't know yet. Inscribe any that are real and describe how the prank goes off.
• Queen-King: You fill a house's common room with Dolmenwood nixies. One starts to follow you as a familiar. Burn a charged Bond to ask it to glow.

Pentacles/Cups (Banes)

• 1-2: Ecbert catches you drawing a huge, glowing, animated caricature of him farting with the word-scroll "I eateth mine own fart" on a wall. -100 house points.
• 3-4: You summoned imps into the [boy/girl's] dormitory. They escaped and got everywhere, even defiling you with their piss/shit. Begin the next Explore Phase Stressed.
• 5-6: The Prescipiece Dragon's Dodgeball team catches you ensorcelling their balls (lol balls) and kicks the shit out of you. Begin the next Explore Phase with a Wound.
• 7-8: Pollyjuice potion mishaps. Draw again.
  [S] Shrunk [P] Bizarre hair / skin / eyes [C] Gender change [W] Pig-headed
  Lasts for the rest of the semester.
• 9-10: Backfired jinx. You cannot tell a lie for the rest of the semester or slugs will pour out of your mouth for a watch.
• Page-Knight: You fiddle around with experimental magic and accidentally banish something of your own. Lose a random object from your pack (1-21) permanently.
• Queen-King: Death-Comes-Back catches you replacing his robe with a prom dress. You lose -300 house points and are given Detention. You forfeit next semester's Extracurricular action.

Prefect

Prerequisite: 5th years with a VIM score of XX
Ah, you're the cream of the crop. The very best Brechewold has to offer! A testament to the nurturing environment of the sprawling deathtrap beneath the castle.

Boons
As a Prefect, you're in charge of managing the younger students. Those you encounter in the dungeons are obliged to obey reasonable orders; you are allowed to deduct up to 5 house points from them if they refuse.

As a Prefect, you are given a ring of keys that open (almost) every door in the dungeons.

Research

Prerequisite: Research Fundamentals
Ecbert the Librarian runs a tight ship. Candles must be behind glass at all times: no open flame! Logs are kept of each time a book is unshelved and reshelved. Absolute silence at all times.

When you research, you may ask questions on the following subjects:

• Animals—Birds, Beasts, & Fishes
• Astronomy
• Conquests of King Aethur
• Elves, Fairies, Goblins, and Changelings
• Gnomes and Wild Spirits
• Famous Witches & Wizards
• Jewels and Magical Metals
• The Land of Wildendrem
• Realms of Faerie
• Runes
• Selenian War
• Spellcraft and Words of Power

Test Cups.

• Great Failure: Dead ends. Wasted time chasing down leads that turned into tedious drivel.
• Failure: Ask the GM a single question on any subject and receive an honest, thorough answer.
• Success: Ask the GM a number of questions equal to your Cups score.
• Great Success: Ask the GM a number of questions equal to your Cups+2 score.

If you're willing to start your next Explore Phase Stressed, take favor on this check as you pull an all-nighter.

Research, Forbidden

Prerequisite: Advanced Techniques in Research
These books are bound with wards and protections both mundane and magical: chains and locks keep them inside the library. Junior under-librarians and bound ghosts patrol the shelves, making sure no students are accessing the forbidden knowledge without Ecbert's leave.

Your research efforts can now include the following subjects:

• Angels and the Heavenly Choirs
• Curses
• History of Brechewold
• History of the World Before the Flood
• Imps, Demons, and Devils
• Matters of Time: Time-Travel, Predestination, Fortune-Telling, Eschatology
• The Moon and Other Worlds Beyond the Terrestrial Sphere
• Necromancy
• The Nine Hells and Katabatic Realms

Test Cups.

• Great Failure: You learn things that men were not meant to know. (A squid guy! AHHH!). Lose 1XP and begin the next Explore Phase Stressed.
• Failure: Ask the GM a single question on any subject and receive an honest, thorough answer.
• Success: Ask the GM a number of questions equal to your Cups score.
• Great Success: Ask the GM a number of questions equal to your Cups score. You learn things that shatter your conception of your place in the universe. Gain 1XP and begin the next Explore Phase Stressed.

Studying

Let's sing the Brechewold Hymn:
Good students study.
Bad students cheat.
The very best students may eat dragon meat.

Bad students wiggle.
Good students learn.
The very best students know His Majesty the Worm.

Boons
Gain +3XP.

Snogging

When a young witch and wizard love each other very much, they sometimes want to express it by locking themselves in a broom closet and snogging each other.

Procedure
Propose one of the following dates to a student you know and get them a gift. The GM will randomly determine your date's preferences.

Date ideas:

• Adventurous (sneaking out of dorms at night to snog, trips into the Forest to pick mistletoe, tastetesting the wine from the Wine Cellar on the First Floor Dungeon)
• Entertainment (watching enchanted puppet show of The Elves and the Cooper, attending a toad choir)
• Social (attending the Springle-Ring Ball, going to see Dragon's Dodgeball games)
• Quality time (studying together in the library, walks around the castle moat, watching for falling stars from the Seers' Tower)

Gifts:

• Ephemeral (baked treacle tarts, bouquet of fainting lilies, pumpkin juice)
• Expensive (pet newt, crushed-velvet pointed hat, jewelry)
• Funny (voice-changing chocolates, lewd animated card, an amusing carrot)
• Handmade (crocheted scarf in house colors, "I wrote a song for you")

Test fate using the attribute of your date's Brechewold house. Modify the test based on the student's preferences.

Results

• Critical Failure: Worst date you've ever had. They start a mean rumor about you. Everyone of the same gender as your date has their Disposition with you worsened by one step.
• Failure: Boring conversation, so you made out and did some light hand stuff. They're willing to go out with you again. Cure Stressed.
• Success: A rousing success! Cure Stressed and gain +1 to future Snogging actions with this student (cumulative). If you wish, gain a new Bond with this student called Boy/Girlfriend. It begins charged. If you burn the charge, you will need to Snog to charge it again.
• Critical Success: You're in love! Gain a Love Bond with this student. It begins each semester charged. Gain a locket with their picture—if you would ever take Death's Door, it cracks instead. Cure Stressed.

Tutoring

Are you looking for one-on-one tutoring? You may appeal to a professor and request direct mentorship.

When you encounter this professor in the dungeons in the future, their Disposition improves by one step towards you.

Additionally, make a test of fate based on the professor's house (Riddleward = Cups, Kelpuous = Pentacles, etc.).

• Great Failure: This could not have gone worse. Their Disposition actually worsens by one step when they encounter you instead.
• Failure: Your request is rejected; they are simply too busy this semester.
• Success: You work one-on-one with the professor after classes. Choose two boons from below.
• Great Success: As before, but gain all three boons.

Boons

• Hear a second rumor from that professor.
• Learn 1 spell (GM's choice) from the class without spending XP.
• During that class's exam, draw 2 cards and choose the highest, as if you had a group study session.

Art by Heikala

Visit Brechenborg

Prerequisite: 3rd+ years only
Did you break your wand? Visit Brechenborg to replace broken, missing, or depleted essential items.

In addition to replacing anything with a Restock or Limited keyword and any School Supplies you might need, you may select items from the following equipment list:

• Weapon
• Doublet (1 armor)
• Fine clothes
• Block and tackle
• Chain
• Crowbar
• Falconry gear
• Hatchet
• Hammer
• Lard
• Leeches
• Salt
• Shovel
• Spyglass
• Torch
• Wine (fine)

Write Thank You Card

Everybody has a birthday. Celebrate yours! Choose something else from your starting equipment list. Then, write your parents a nice thank you note. Usable once only.

Art by Heikala