Stats as hammer, stats as nails

There's nothing revolutionary in this post, but I think it contains generally good advice and feels worthwhile articulating.

When an RPG gives you something generic, a player skill that enlivens your roleplaying is describing it in a non-generic way. Items are a great place to have fun with this idea.

Instead of a dagger, it's a "wavy dagger with a hilt shaped like a mushroom." 

You can "show, not tell" your character's backstory this way. Instead of a dagger, it's a dissection scalpel used in haruspicy, which is practiced by your people. Instead of a dagger, it's a dueling dirk you won the right to wear when you dueled your half-brother to death.

Here is a list of every item from the gear list in His Majesty the Worm with a few flavorful descriptions for each. 

Alchemy kit

• Cottage Witch Alchemy Kit: Wicker basket with scavenged ingredients stored in frog stomach pouches, cat skulls, and bat-wing purses. Your alchemy isn't "natural science," but a form of folk magic.

Animal feed

• Dog biscuits: Your mom baked these dog biscuits from leftover oats for your animal companion, Rufus.

Armor, light

• Retiarius Armor: The armor of the retiarius-type gladiator: heavy-linen arm guards and a leather shoulder piece. 
• Orc Woad Tattoos: Seablooded orcs favor writing protective runes in woad paint instead of bulky armor that will weigh them down if they fall overboard. 
• Beekeeper Suit: Thick robes and a wicker mask complete the beekeeper's signature apparel.

Armor, iron

• Immortal's Chainmail: A hauberk of chainmail stripped from the body of the eunuch "Immortal" warrior caste of Far-Away, brought as a curiosity by an antiquities trader and stolen early in your career.
• Alien Diving Suit: An extradimensional scientist tried to visit the plane of Flesh and constructed this suit of iron and rubber to survive our inhospitable conditions. He was killed by the inhospitable natives. It smells of ammonia.

Armor, steel

• House Mereswine's Platemail: A set of lobstered steel plate worn by cavalrymen in the guard of House Mereswine. It has a dolphin motif in keeping with their house sigil.

Bedroll

• Mummy Sleeping Bag: When you get in to your sleeping bag, you look like a real mummy--all wrappings and faux-Egyptology designs. 
• Owlbear Hide: You killed the owlbear in your first foray into the Underworld and kept the hide. You made a scratchy blanket out of it that you sleep in.

Bezoar

• Frog Throat Bezoar: The weird guy in the Omphalos Market that sold this to you claims it was from a giant frog. You're not sure you believe him.

Blank book

• Dwarf-Skin Book: An ogre bound this book in dwarf skin. Gross!
• Quipu Yarn: Elves sometimes use a woven language to help keep records. This collection of yarn is like a blank book--you'll weave your story together.

Booze

• Pirate's Hooch: Fermented in a pirate's peg leg, it's strong but nobody would call it good.
• Metheglin: This lavender-infused metheglin was made by your wife. It reminds you of home.

Caltrops

• Toy Soldiers: Your son played with these metal toy soldiers with bayonets that were so sharp they were practically real. You borrowed them for your expedition and throw them out as caltrops.

Candle

• Beeswax Candles: You harvested this beeswax yourself from your home hive. 
• Human-fat Candles: The rendered fat of a murderer went into this candle. It produces a foul, black smoke.

Chain

• Anchor Chain: A length of chain salvaged from a shipwreck that you survived. 
• Ball & Chain (-Ball): You wore this chain in the dungeon that you escaped from. You hammered off the heavy lead ball, but have found the chain useful to keep.

Chalk

• Student's Chalk: The chalk is cheap and quality is poor but it gets the job done. It's intended for students at the Madrasa in the City.

Clothes, rags

• Troll's Tunic: After a slime burned off all your clothes, you were forced to borrow a tunic from a troll friend. It's basically a dress on you. 

Clothes, common

• Ninja: A cool ninja outfit. 

Clothes, finery

Every character should have a signature hat. Seriously.

Click for more hats

Cooking gear

• Senshi's Shield: Once, this was your family's adamantine heirloom shield. But since you're a cook not a fighter, you reforged it into this wok! 

Crowbar

• Thief's Hand: This crowbar is flourished with an open hand.
• Crow Bar: This crowbar is flourished with a crow's head and beak motif.

Falconry gear

• Elven Hawker's Chemicals: Instead of leather tools such as lures, hoods, jessies, etc. to control the bird, elves use chemical compounds in small glass jars extracted from insects. One temporary blinds the hawk, one paralyzes its wings, one awakens its prey drive, etc.

Fishing gear

• Mermaid Hair Net: A mermaid wove this net from her own hair. It is festooned with little sea glass baubles.

Firewood

• Bonfire of the Vanities: This was once a statue of a blasphemous idol, smashed to bits by the axes of the Athleta Mythrii. It is right that such as blasphemy is now used for kindling.

Flint & tinder

• Sacred Firestarter: The shavings of the tinder were taken from fallen wood given by the hearttree of your village and soaked in sacred oil. The flint was harvested and blessed by a law-speaker.
• Tinder Fungus: Instead of carrying spark-makers, you carry live coals nested inside of tinder fungi. You have six of these.

Garlic

• Weird Bulb: The bulb looks like a weird old man's face! Isn't it uncanny?

Grappling hook

• Anchor: Your grappling hook is a repurposed anchor from a ship.

Hammer

• Coffin Maker's Hammer: This hammer's first owner was a coffin maker. It has driven many coffin nails. 

Hatchet

• Orcish Stone Hatchet: The earthblooded orcs still practice the patient art of stone working, including making stone hand tools like this hatchet. 

Helm

• Knight's Helm: Ahhh! The noble knight's helm! A close helmet festooned with a snail crest.
• Prisoner's Cage: Not a helmet at all, but a scold's bridle in fashion of a cage. Still, it might turn a blow.
• Thiollier's Mask: "A mask upon which is carved a tranquil sleeping face."

Really, helms are such an opportunity to play Fashion Souls.

Hermetic bottle

• Old Wine Bottles: You've sealed these old wine bottles pretty tight! They still have the labels on them.

Hourglass

• Novelty Hourglass: This hourglass is shaped like a woman with a real hourglass figure! It elicits groans and eyerolls from your guild mates.

Iron spike

• Crucifixion Nails: These spikes were nails pulled from the hands and feet of crucified criminals.

Lantern

• Medusa Lantern: Each side of the lantern is shaped like a medusa's face, mouth open in a monstrous scream.

Lard

• Scam Soap: This soap was sold by a merchant claiming that 1-in-20 bars had a gold coin inside! You hope this bar is one of the lucky ones!

Leeches

• Tiny Slimes: It's illegal to carry slimes into the City, but you find baby slimes to be much more useful than leeches at extracting small portions of blood from a sick patient.

Lockpicks

• Cat's Whiskers: This set of lockpicks are carried in a case with a winking, cartoonish cat. 
• Skeleton Keys: This brand of thieves tools is called "Skeleton Keys." Each pick is festooned with a smiling skull.

Manacles

• Mage's Cuffs: These iron cuffs clamp onto a sorcerer's wrists to stop them from casting spells. They are not linked together, so the sorcerer still has the use of their hands and arms. 

Mirror

• Saintly Relic: This broken mirror fragment is said to be a shard of St. Jason's famous mirrored shield.

Musical instrument

• Dwarven Carnyx: This tall horn is shaped like a boar and makes a clear, piercing note that can be heard for a mile or more.
• Halfling Panpipes: These panpipes have a false reed that can be used to carry a long-shanked tobacco pipe. 
• Underfolk Common Hymn Book: A collection of traditional Underfolk songs sung at traditional times: births, deaths, weddings. 

Oil

• River Whale Oil: The river whales that live in the River Grey near the City are hunted for their oil and other byproducts. In the City, river whales are associated with death and dreams. Parents tell children that burning a lamp of whale oil will banish their nightmares. 
• Mushroom Oil: Piggy of the Cave is a favored mushroom of Underfolk: its meaty texture provides welcome variety in their diet. It can also be rendered into a smoky-burning oil.

Pick

• Dwarven Mattock: A heavy mattock written with Ancient Underfolk runes reading: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

Pipe & Pipeweed

• Carven Pipe: A long ornate pipe carved to look like an old sea-captain smoking (recursively) a corncob pipe.

Or, imagining that the pipe is a *feature* of His Majesty the Worm that simply allows you to remove Stress for the cost of a pack slot, you can recast this to be a variety of consumable items.

• Bubble Bath: The dungeon is a smelly place. Taking a bubble bath lets you regain a measure of composure and center yourself.
• Brain Licorice: A candy made of dried brain jellies and anise. Eating it smooooothes away the wrinkles.

Pole, 10'

• Shepherd's Crook: A shepherd's crook made of olive wood, especially long, with a nice crook at the end.
• Lamplighter's Snuffer: A basic 10' long bronze and pewter candle snuffer from the Lamplighter's Guild.
• Finglonger: What would it be like if I invented the finglonger?

Poultice

• Prayer Flags: The bandages are linen strips made from prayer flags, each with a calligraphed prayer. 
• Elven Mummy: Extracted from an elven sarcophagus by their direct descendants in a process called Reclaiming, the mummy's wrappings and ground-up flesh are used as medicines. 

Quill & Ink

• Clerical Illumination Tools: A teak wood writing case with tools for illuminating coded books of the Mythraic Mysteries: horsehair bush, knife to scrape the paper, sand to dry the ink, and jars of black, gold, and red inks. 
• Gnomish Librarian's Invisible Inks: A quill from a hoopoe bird and invisible inks (only legible under the moon or stars). 

Rations

• Human Rations: Wicker basket of rations containing: flat bread, olives, pickled cucumbers, dried figs, hard cheese, honey comb, and sausage. 
• Underfolk Rations: Wax paper bundle containing: travel biscuits, carrots, mushrooms, mushroom chutney, dried apple, mole jerky, and piece of toffee. A jug of wine (for dwarves) or tea (for halflings and trolls) included.
• Fay Rations: Clay jar, fire-ready, with a stew of horse meat, succotash, and beans. Corn cakes wrapped separately. 
• Orc Rations: Banana leaf wrapped around: clay jar of barley and oat porridge, clay jar of goat's milk yogurt, pickled herring, and smoked whale jerky.

Religious paraphernalia

• Portable Shrine: A tiny desk with an embedded icon of the Hierophant, a candle holder, and an attached rosary. 
• Stone Idol of Rng: A crudely carved stone face painted half white and half black. 

Rope

• Handkerchiefs: A rope made out of brightly-colored handkerchiefs tied tightly together. 

Salt

• Mined Salt: A wooden box shaped like a dwarven grandmother filled with quarried salt.

Shield

• Church Door: Wielded by a troll, this shield was once the door into the Fane of the Heresiarch. 
• Pickle-Barrel Lid: Wielded by a halfling, this shield is just the round top of a pickle barrel with a handy little handle. It is painted with a bright sun as a heraldic device. 

Shovel

• Gnomish Archaeologist Shovel: The Archaeologist Society within the Court of Redcaps issues this small shovel to its members to help excavate artifacts from stones and soil.

Spyglass

• Opera Glasses: Extreme opera glasses, for watching the play from the tippy top of the nosebleeds.

Tent

• Knight's Pavilion: This brightly-colored tent is emblazoned with the your heraldry--a knight jousting atop a noble snail. 

Tinker's kit

• Grandpa's Tackle Box: A metal boxed inherited from your grandfather. It once held fishing lures, but now holds all sorts of tools and odds and ends: cut pieces of wood, putty, nails, pliers, lengths of wire, etc. 

Torch

• Wedding Torch: Your bride left you standing at the altar, but her family already paid for all these torches. Might as well use 'em. 
• Juggling Torch: These were made by Flavius the Clown, the premier torch juggler of the City. 

Wand of archwood

• Thunderbolt: The archtree was split by lightning. This wand has a thunderbolt design to commemorate the event. Blasts of magic from it have a lightning-like aspect.

Weaponry

• Bearded Axe: The axe is literally bearded: it's shaped like an orcish face with a long, beautiful beard as the blade.
• Sword of the Torturer's Guild: This heavy blade is intended to take heads. As such, it has no point. It has two sharp edged sides: one for slaying men, one for slaying women. A vein of quicksilver in the blade gives overhanded swings extra weight.
• Elven Bow: A bow of yew strung with a single golden elf hair.
• Magnetic Morningstar: This morning star is not connected by a chain. Instead, the spiked ball seems to "orbit" the handle.

Wolfsbane

• Aspergillum of Wolfsbane: An aspergillum of mountain water infused with wolfsbane. In the event of a lycanthrope, you can anoint the beast with the water.