Wednesday, August 5, 2026

B.U.R.G.L.A.R.s Part 4: Treasures

Part 4 of my investigation into "Hobbits have a Roadside Picnic." 

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here.

Dragon gold 

We must away ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted gold.

One of the primary reasons burglars brave the aberrations of the dungeon zone is the gold that the dragon amassed. No one has yet seen the center of Smaug's golden hoard and lived to tell the tale, but caches of gold can be throughout the Mountain. It glows softly with a pale green light. 

Art by Kattapulka


Dragon sickness

The lesser rings were only essays in the craft before it was full-grown, and to the Elven-smiths they were but trifles – yet still to my mind dangerous for mortals.

Burglars know how dangerous the dungeon zone is: clouds of razors, underground lightning, solid rock that temporarily becomes quicksand before hardening again. But more insidious is the dragon sickness, which clings to the things they bring out of the Mountain. 

When you return to Lake-town, your dragon sickness rating is equal to the amount of slots occupied by dragon gold or magic treasures. Your dragon sickness rating lowers by 1 for every month spent not carrying any gold or treasures. 

1-2: You get winded easily. Reduce your movement by 5'. If you ever drop to 1 hp or lower, you lose a tooth. 

3-5: You get a -1 penalty to your Saving Throws. Your hair is thin. You get regular nosebleeds.

6-9: Reroll your hp. If it's lower than your current maximum hp, it becomes your new maximum. You lose your hair in chunks.

10+: Lose 1 point of Constitution and 1d4 teeth permanently. You regularly bleed from your gums and nail beds. 

Dragon sickness (as opposed to most rules in this blog series) is a player-facing rule. The players track how many items they have on their person and know enough about dragon sickness (as professionals) to have in-character knowledge of its effects.

Treasures

The Visit did take place, but it is by no means over. We’re actually in contact as we speak, we just don’t know it. The aliens are holed up in the Zones and are carefully studying us, simultaneously preparing us for the ‘time of cruel miracles.’

Dragon gold lets burglars stay in a state of inebriation long enough to forget the pains of the dragon sickness, but treasure is what the Union of the Five Armies want. They want to study them. They want to copy them. They want to break them and harvest what comes out. Burglars call treasures "swag." 

Dungeon zone treasures should be in a black box to the players. Only experimentation should reveal some of their properties. Don't tell them the full item descriptions.

Dripper

The ring market of Lake-town is flooded due to the proliferation of drippers. Drippers are rings of a gold-colored but unknown metal*. They are discovered in a variety of sizes, but most are well-sized to be worn by a human hand. Every nine days, a dripper creates eight copies of itself--identical in all ways except that the duplicates do not, themselves, produce duplicates.

*If hammered or melted, they break down into a ephemeral slime. 

Balanced Bracelet

Another piece of apparent jewelry forged by Smaug, balanced bracelets are a collection of larger rings of dull metal--too large to be worn on the finger but appropriate as a bracelet or arm ring. When set on their edge and spun, these bracelets will spin forever. 

Light Clay

This clay, when fired, becomes hard and brittle like pottery but lighter than air. The works made of this clay hover like partially-deflated helium balloons. 

Spark Beads

Black, tubular glass beads that are discovered in a variety of sizes, from about 1" to as large as a 9" long. When left in the sun for 12 hours, they glow with dim light for 6 hours (360 turns). 

Death Lantern

A bullseye lantern that emits a green light within 30'. The lantern can be completely uncovered, shedding light in all directions, or partially uncovered into a projected spotlight. The beam of light deals 1d8 damage per round to living creatures (Save to avoid), but has no effect on inanimate material. Death lanterns have 1d100 rounds of use when discovered.

Dowsing Rods

Dowsing rods are lengths of metal that come in different abstract shapes (but straight is most common). If struck against a hard surface, the resonance with which they ring is determined by their proximity to dragon gold. If within 100' of dragon gold, they warble and shake when struck. If within 30' of dragon gold, they produce a high pitched whine and tremble for several moments. If within 3' of dragon gold, they vibrate so hard that they cannot be held and produce a whine that is pitched so high that only elves and hobbits can hear it (it is outside of the register of dwarves and men). 

Drinkers

A fungus reminiscent of a shelf of fossilized coral. They are found in patches of 1d4 x 10' cubes, and can be cut to fit 1-4 slots of pack space. When exposed to liquid, it absorbs it at a rate of 10 gallons/round. A drinker can hold 100 gallons per slot of liquid. Like a sponge, drinkers can be squeezed to release their stored liquid--but the rate of release is only a trickle. 

Shrieker

A shrieker is a purple shelf fungi found in clusters of 1d12 individuals. If their conical "mouths" are stimulated, a shrieker produces a piercing, high-pitched whine.  Each creature within 500' must either take 1d4+1 damage or be stunned for 1d2 rounds. This automatically triggers an encounter check. Each shrieker can be activated once.

Spiker

Another treasure in the fungus family, a spiker looks like a sea urchin. When disturbed, they throw their spikes, which cover a 10' square area around them in porcelain-like shards.

Spikers can be harvested with care, wrapped carefully, and thrown as a weapon. They deal 1d6 damage on impact, and deal 1 damage each round thereafter until the victim spends a round to remove the shards from their flesh. Treat as caltrops once detonated in a space. 

Immovable Rod

Hey man it's a classic for a reason.

Burning Wheel

These wooden and metal wheels tend are as large as cart wheels. If placed in a fire of any size, burning wheels extinguish the flames, smothering them within a few rounds. If spun on an axel, burning wheels will alight into a continuously burning flame. 

Red Glass

Peering through this ruby-colored glass allows the viewer to see heat signatures. Even in the pitch dark, living creatures appear as glowing forms. The shape of stone and metal stands out against the ambient temperature of the air. Fungal blooms appear as a white haze. Cold-blooded creatures, such as un-dead or dragons, do not appear in the glass at all.

Prophet Dust

This glittering sand, when spread onto the surface of water, makes the surface tension of the water impermeable for 1 turn (10 minutes). The water can be walked on. Anything under the water cannot break the surface. 

Heart of the Mountain

No object looms larger in the burglars' rumours than the Heart of the Mountain. 

They say that Smaug sleeps with it under his head. 

They say it's too big to move, even if you found it when he was outside of his golden hoard. 

They say it grants your heart's dearest wish.

They say it kills one person touching it for every wish it grants.




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